SPEAK OUT AND BE FREE

I was replying to backlog of emails  recently when I noticed a mail  sent since January 2, by a lady who had just read my book 'SINGLE WITHOUT SINKING'.
Here's a quote from her mail:
"...... As much as this is plunging me into deeper distress, overwhelmed with grief and sadness, feeling desolate and deserted, I am not speaking to nobody about this and will carry it to my grave......"

She refused to open up about these issues for the following reasons:
1. Past betrayals,
2. Lack of trust ,
3. Fear of being exposed.
We've been speaking since the 3rd of January, but not until the late hours of Friday the 6th of February, before she could loosen up a little bit. She's been diagnosed with early signs of depression and currently under observation for some other health related issues.

The point is this, she had believed the lie about herself, she had believed the lie about her God and she had generalised this lie about everybody else.  If you have seen what chronic stages of depression had done to people, you will not wish to see anyone go down those roads without a fight to help them out.
How we handle/manage or deal with our various disappointing experiences will often determine how those events control, manipulate or distort our attitude/responses to God's word and the truth of His redeeming love.
When we choose to become reclusive, we give room for satan's lies to thrive, and we engage ourselves  in solo romance of delusion.
Often times, prolonged grief over a broken relationship or hurt make many suffer emotionally. It will eventually take its toll on our physical, spiritual and psychological well being.
Allowing God's word to breathe into our minds helps us to take a few steps in our response to the way out of this experience.

SPEAKING OUT: We can ask God to lead us to His choice people, who have the grace to listen and draw alongside us in prayerful support and godly guidance.
REACHING OUT: Make ourselves available to places and events where sound word and doctrine is preached, where God's love is truly shared and where we can be genuinely cared for. (We must remember that the woman with the issue of blood stepped out and went to where Jesus was, she reached to HIM and touched HIM.)
CONFESSING THE TRUTH:
(a.) Locate and identify the negative thoughts or disbelief in your self-talk. e.g “I am no good because things are not like what I expect or want.”
(b.)Argue against the negative thoughts. “I am not a failure just because I do not meet unrealistic expectations of myself or others.”
 (c.)Learn how to avoid rumination (the constant churning of thoughts in one’s mind) by immediately changing your thoughts.
(d.)Replace the negative thoughts the very second they occur with the truth and with empowering positive thoughts and beliefs. e.g “In spite of the sorrow,  disappointments and feelings I experience, the Lord will help me carry on.”

Philippians 3:13 & 14 says, “…but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.”
We are on a track, running life’s race. The most incredible thing is that each Christian is the only person on his/her track. One does not have to be all that fast, but steady.
Look ahead, stretch forward towards a new day and thank God for all you have in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Your tomorrow will be better and even more glorious than your yesterdays.
Cheer up . Christ has conquered for YOU! Say NO to depression.

DO NOT CONTINUE WHAT GOD HAS DISCONTINUED

Waiting to be married in itself is very very hard. It is both mentally and emotionally draining, but for the grace of God. 
However, the waiting that must never be condoned is hanging on a man or a dying relationship with the hope that with a little more patience, the man will change. 
The fact of the matter is we cannot make decisions on what we do not know. I say this because the fact that a person "could" change is not enough to support an ailing relationship. You don't know whether they will.
The hope that a person may grow spiritually is no reason to nurture a dying relationship. What you do not know may offer hope, but we ACT, in the moment, on what we do know.
If the decision is whether to continue with someone who continually draws you into sin—there is no decision. It may be a temporary stay or a permanent cessation, but the relationship needs SERIOUS HELP! This is the stuff of police reports—the person who is abusive but claims they "love" you. If they are drawing you into sin—THEY DO NOT LOVE YOU!
Not the way Love should LOVE, sacrificially, unselfishly.
If someone is not drawing you deeper into fellowship with the Lord, that person is a hindrance to running "the race marked out for [you]" (Heb. 12:1). If this seems harsh or exclusive—so be it. It may very well be that to live a life pleasing to the Lord you may need to be somewhat ruthless. If this is why you are still single, no apology is needed.
Some of us may have come from a broken home or an abusive childhood; you may have had or may never have had a serious relationship; you may have many unfulfilled goals and dreams. Some of us may even have it all well worked out yet feeling that we aren't worth it because we are not yet married.
Whatever “it” is in your life that you think you are missing, whatever “it” is that you think is holding you back, whatever “it” is that is your security blanket that you think may have left you incomplete, never hope that one man, just a man will fulfil all this longings. None but the Most High God.
A man without the fear of God, will add to the burdens you already have and the little hope that you are clinging unto may be taken off you. The reason many of us are left broken and shattered today is the error of placing our hope in man, a human like us, who may not even know how to sort himself out. Our youthful and single days are often burnt out chasing the creation and not the creator.
Here is the word of God:

Trust God from the bottom of your heart;
don’t try to figure out everything on your own.
Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go;
he’s the one who will keep you on track.
Don’t assume that you know it all.
Run to God! Run from evil!
Your body will glow with health,
your very bones will vibrate with life!
Honor God with everything you own;
give him the first and the best.
Your barns will burst,
your wine vats will brim over.
But don’t, dear friend, resent God’s discipline;
don’t sulk under his loving correction.
It’s the child he loves that God corrects;
a father’s delight is behind all this. Proverbs 3:5-12 (The Message)

THE TRULY SORTED ARE THOSE SETTLED BY JESUS CHRIST. WAIT ON HIM TO SORT YOU OUT. THOUGH HE DELAYS, HE WILL SURELY COME TO PERFECT ALL THAT CONCERNS YOU! YOUR LIFE IS NOT A GUESS WORK. GOD HAS A PLAN! COOPERATE WITH HIM.

If it is a godly man you are looking for (and I pray it is), expect the person you are dating to live up to this great charge. Call them to live up to this great charge. The truth is you may look back and thank God he hindered you. But first, if he is hindering you, you must be hindered. Accept not to forge ahead in your own strength. 
Wait on the Lord!

YOU ARE NOT A JUNK

Recently, I came across a teenager's Facebook status that reads " If you have it, flaunt it. If you don't have it pad it up". I didn't quite get it. After a while, I chose to look at her pictures out of curiosity. She had some pictures of herself before and after she's 'pad it up'. I started a chat to know what could have led her into this. This innocent life had believed a lie some four years back that she is too shapeless to be a lady. she is 18 and rather than go under the knife, she opted for padded underwears. She has had it all corrupted that she is nil at good self image without big burst and big bum. 
Physical attractiveness, sexual potency and symbolic status / reputation are all she is worried about. Self image is the idol that she worships. Would anyone imagine what this could lead her into in the next ten years ?
Insecurity starts with little lies that we have believed and accepted. Working on our self image is what we consider as the only antidote to insecurity.Some of us have had our senses of self-worth so utterly devastated, through no fault of our own. We think that the only possible way to shore up the mores of our deeply wounded sense of worth is to compensate for the overwhelming feelings of powerlessness and worthlessness with which we are swamped, there by creating an image for others to worship.
However, this image is not really who we are; it is something which we set up because we feel so utterly debased, unworthy of love, vile, repulsive, a haunt for every kind of filth, or whatever, that we must hide behind something grandiose, gorgeous and breathtaking, even though it is ultimately counterfeit.
Trying to buy back our security, we do not need to engage in toxic behaviour that leads to false life. Love that is pure accepts us the way we are and will love who we truly are. Thank goodness that we did not need to impress God to earn HIS love. His love is pure and never considers what we think as flaws. His love never makes us feel empty or worthless. His love His perfect just as He says we are in His Son Jesus. 
Let us spare ourselves the troubles of trying to attain to an artificial perfect and flawless image that still never fill the void of our insecurity. We can give our fears and worries about our looks to God. Jesus cares about everything and can help us to handle everything.
A friend of mine has always complained that her nose is too big for her face. Nothing you say ever seems to change her view of herself. She hates to take pictures except from her side view. She is married, happily married to a good man with smaller nose than hers. We joked about her past worries recently and she said her husband really loved her nose as he too would love his kids to have a balanced size of nose kind of. God works in mysterious ways. We must love who we are and accept how He's made us and be secure in His ultimate purpose for and in everything that pertain to us.God does not make junks. 
YOU ARE PERFECT IN HIS EYES.