SPEAK OUT AND BE FREE

I was replying to backlog of emails  recently when I noticed a mail  sent since January 2, by a lady who had just read my book 'SINGLE WITHOUT SINKING'.
Here's a quote from her mail:
"...... As much as this is plunging me into deeper distress, overwhelmed with grief and sadness, feeling desolate and deserted, I am not speaking to nobody about this and will carry it to my grave......"

She refused to open up about these issues for the following reasons:
1. Past betrayals,
2. Lack of trust ,
3. Fear of being exposed.
We've been speaking since the 3rd of January, but not until the late hours of Friday the 6th of February, before she could loosen up a little bit. She's been diagnosed with early signs of depression and currently under observation for some other health related issues.

The point is this, she had believed the lie about herself, she had believed the lie about her God and she had generalised this lie about everybody else.  If you have seen what chronic stages of depression had done to people, you will not wish to see anyone go down those roads without a fight to help them out.
How we handle/manage or deal with our various disappointing experiences will often determine how those events control, manipulate or distort our attitude/responses to God's word and the truth of His redeeming love.
When we choose to become reclusive, we give room for satan's lies to thrive, and we engage ourselves  in solo romance of delusion.
Often times, prolonged grief over a broken relationship or hurt make many suffer emotionally. It will eventually take its toll on our physical, spiritual and psychological well being.
Allowing God's word to breathe into our minds helps us to take a few steps in our response to the way out of this experience.

SPEAKING OUT: We can ask God to lead us to His choice people, who have the grace to listen and draw alongside us in prayerful support and godly guidance.
REACHING OUT: Make ourselves available to places and events where sound word and doctrine is preached, where God's love is truly shared and where we can be genuinely cared for. (We must remember that the woman with the issue of blood stepped out and went to where Jesus was, she reached to HIM and touched HIM.)
CONFESSING THE TRUTH:
(a.) Locate and identify the negative thoughts or disbelief in your self-talk. e.g “I am no good because things are not like what I expect or want.”
(b.)Argue against the negative thoughts. “I am not a failure just because I do not meet unrealistic expectations of myself or others.”
 (c.)Learn how to avoid rumination (the constant churning of thoughts in one’s mind) by immediately changing your thoughts.
(d.)Replace the negative thoughts the very second they occur with the truth and with empowering positive thoughts and beliefs. e.g “In spite of the sorrow,  disappointments and feelings I experience, the Lord will help me carry on.”

Philippians 3:13 & 14 says, “…but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.”
We are on a track, running life’s race. The most incredible thing is that each Christian is the only person on his/her track. One does not have to be all that fast, but steady.
Look ahead, stretch forward towards a new day and thank God for all you have in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Your tomorrow will be better and even more glorious than your yesterdays.
Cheer up . Christ has conquered for YOU! Say NO to depression.

LOADED WITH BENEFITS

LOADED WITH BENEFITS

It is January 2015, the start of a new year, that time of the year when the mouth speaks of hope, but the heart seems exasperated. For most older singles, every molecule of faith left within them had been used up in the past years believing that something would/should happen but never did. For some who are younger, the pressure of friends marrying all around them is fast becoming too hard to bear, all wants to have a date announced as soon as possible.
The truth is, there are lots of men out there to date, the whole essence of waiting on God and getting it right is to ensure the choice that is made is worth the entire life time to be spent together. Otherwise, anybody can walk up the aisle with just anybody else and they can be married. But for those whose lives have been committed unto Christ the Lord, it is different. It has to be a choice wholly and acceptable unto the Lord, not just anybody.
It is natural to be weary after what has become a very long wait. It initially seemed like it won't be long but alas what we thought would be months has turned to years and  hope of a breakthrough for some  may have even begun to fade.
Let me tell you three reasons why you can continue to trust in the Lord and keep on waiting patiently on Him for the fulfilment of His promise that you will not lack your mate:

1. God cannot lie - Heb. 6:18
2. God keeps His promises - Heb. 8:6
3. God never disappoints - Rom.5:5-6

God did not lie when He promised to strengthen us as we wait on Him. He will keep His promise to grant us our heart desires according to the perfect working of His will. He said those who trust in Him will not be put to shame.

We knew (as previously shared) of a beautiful lady in 2014 who got married for the first time ever at the age of 48. God keeps His word that He'll never leave us nor forsake us.

Beloved, I encourage you by those three reasons above to approach 2015 with boldness and renewed hope in the Lord Almighty, the creator of heaven and earth, the maker of your soul that He will do good to you and make you a reference point for His wonder working power.

Step out in style and confuse those who think you have nothing to show for your life that you have a mighty God backing you up. Your birthing time is near, do not give up. Keep pushing on in faith and wait for the 'suddenly' effect when he who shall come for you shall tick all the right boxes.

To enslave yourself under just any man with the hope that he'll redeem you from this status into marriage is like casting your pearls before the pigs. Pigs never , ever know the value of pearls.

You are God's precious treasure, HE has a plan and this plan has a set time.  Wait, wait still and follow HIM as He unfolds His beautiful plans for you in the days ahead.

"....Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit...."
(Rom. 15:13)

FLEE !

Have you noticed a married man trying to get close and desperately wanting to be friends with you? That may not be an issue, is it? No. It becomes an issue when he's bringing you into his emotional and matrimonial issues. This is the subtlest approach to luring you in, into his heart. 
Is he presenting a pathetic picture of his wife's inadequacies?, 
Does he think you are all he had wished for in a wife?
Does he flatter you with sweet words and considers you a good thinker?
Is he trying to make you a confidant?
Does he spare nothing when it comes to spending on you?
Does he crave for 'special' moments with you?
My darling sister, that man has family, he has brothers and sisters, he has pastors and friends, people who are able to counsel him and support him. NOT YOU!
That you are single does not make you an available option for those who are sick and tired of their wives.
Men of easy virtue will take advantage of single women who are desperate for affection. 
Satan knows how to position such destructive and distractive men around God's daughters at the verge of their breakthrough. 
You cannot afford to miss out on the beautiful plan of God that could have rewarded your years of waiting. 
No matter how justifying a relationship is to a married man, it is still adultery. 
His unfaithfulness to his wife will catch up with you and he'll run off with another woman once he's done, it's only a matter of time.
God hates divorce, so do not aid or encourage it. None of us should ever be the reason why homes should breakdown. 
A man must never use you as a reason for divorcing his wife.
Friendship, association or relationship with a married man must be discontinued at the first sign of emotional attachment.
Jesus is not unable to sympathise with our weakness, He actually promised to help us and give us grace to deal with it. (Hebrew 4:12-14)
Remember, we can hide from one another but not from the God who sees and knows all things.
If you are in one of such relationships, God will show you the escape route. He is ready to help. He will help. You are HIS daughter. 
YOU ARE LOVED BY HIM.

WHEN IT HURTS SO BAD

Some of us may be having very deep emotional wounds that is proving too painful to heal. We may have been abused, mistreated, or felt unloved as a child. Our growing up may have witnessed domestic abuse both violent and verbal by parents or guardians. 
Even as adults, we may be going through series of unfair treatment, being constantly misunderstood, wrong accusations and shouting down by haters.
We may have trusted or deeply loved people who have been unfaithful, betrayed you, or even turned against you, all of which may have left us excruciatingly hurting or painfully wounded.
These emotional wounds would have inflicted great injury on our sense of worth, identity and security. The effect on our mind could also be self-condemning, self justifying or blame chase. Whichever applies, undoubtedly, must have left us feeling hurt, heaviness, loss, grief, anger, possibly resentment and fierce desire for revenge towards those we consider responsible.
How very quick to say 'I've let go!, I've forgiven!' when actually our wounds are still dripping with bitter pores and bleeding sore. We may have pushed down these painful emotions by denying they exist or suppressing them altogether.
We cannot afford to continue assuming they are no longer there; they are still alive, buried deep within, we have not allowed ourselves to be healed.
Hey! Sis, stop trying to forget it and hoping that time will heal it. Using scripture repetitively isn't the solution either. YOU NEED GOD'S HEALING TOUCH.
Only Jesus Christ can do that for you. No formula or therapy can deal with your heartache. There is no solution in Yoga or any form of meditation. Temporary relief is even worse as the dark stark reality of your wound will be progressing with every stage of your life.
You need to speak openly to Jesus, only to Jesus alone. The only physician Who heals the soul. That is the work He came to do. (Read Isaiah 61:1-3).
Tell him the story (even though He knows already) but crying out to Him reveals your desire to have Him work on you. Tell him honestly that you are hurting, angry, feeling revengeful and deeply bitter. It is OK to cry, but after this, I know in Jesus' name, you will not have to cry over this again. The Lord has been waiting for such a long time for you to admit your helplessness and cry out to Him and allow healing to happen. It was possible for Jesus to forgive those who nailed Him to the Cross while in the pain, he cried out to the Father to forgive them. (Luke 23:34)
Get rid of your hurt for your own sake. You have been held down for too long. It has drained you of spiritual, physical and emotional energy. You have been damaged enough. Those who hurt you aren't feeling a thing. They've moved on. IT IS TIME FOR YOU TO MOVE ON!
Releasing the people to God frees you. Your healing begins and the Lord starts the work of restoration. RESTORATION begins to happen for you as you forgive and let go. God sees in you His nature and character; He is able to bring full recovery of all that had been taken away from you. 
This process may bring back painful memories and fresh hurt but you will definitely feel HIS healing touch upon you instantly, and gradually in the days ahead you will experience the healing and full healing that only our CHRIST JESUS can bring.
Remember, you are loved. 

UNPROFITABLE ALLEGIANCES

I have been struggling with this issue since it was laid on my heart about a week ago. I pray the Spirit of the living God to interpret and make expressly clear the importance and urgency of this message as it applies to us in Jesus name.

It bothers on our unprofitable allegiances; Our strong support  for and loyalty to a particular group, persons or beliefs that does us no good and are actually non-beneficial to our spirit and soul.

Maintaining friendship with people who do not share your values, who are not looking in the same direction as you and do not aspire to reach the goal you want to pursue will always hold you down and drag you their way.
Once you are taken off your route, focus is lost and frustrations begins. unfortunately, it is your frustrations that give them an edge over you because while you sulk, they feel superior.

Sadly in that state of despair, you turn to the same vision-less people, who are stagnated and settled midway, for counsel and direction because they are your 'best buddies'.
You are useful to them, but they profit you nothing. Your time and space is used up by them to stir the thread of gossip in the name of gisting to justify their bitterness for the people they hate. They speak sharp words that turns you from the pursuit of progress because they can't stand you becoming better than them.

You watch them make little progress but always wonder why they don't reveal the secrets of their ways because they can judge you more intellectual to overtake them. These are 'friends' who always want to listen to your miseries and act in full pretence that they've got it altogether.
Sadly, these are the ones you call 'my best friends'. May be it is time you checked what truly defines a friend as 'best'.

It took me a long hard learned lesson to fully understand why JESUS CHRIST calls me friend. It is because there is none other who can be wholly true to me like HIM. When I became fully restored to Christ, He showed me people He wants me to be with. He connected us, placed His love on our hearts for each other and gave us a heavenly driven, pure, honest, sincere and helpful relationship.
Until then, I could not grasp what David meant in Psalm 1:1(MSG)
"How well God must like you—
    you don’t hang out at Sin Saloon,
    you don’t slink along Dead-End Road,
    you don’t go to Smart-Mouth College."

Whao!!! What a great reward for living obediently to that command. I so much love how The Message version of the Bible puts it. See what it says in verses 2-3 of Psalm 1:
"Instead you thrill to God’s Word,
    you chew on Scripture day and night.
You’re a tree replanted in Eden,
    bearing fresh fruit every month,
Never dropping a leaf,
    always in blossom."

Dear friend, do you fancy God replanting you? Do you fancy bearing fresh fruit every month? Do you dream of never dropping a leaf and always in blossom?
If your answer is 'YES', then my dearest, you have to checkout from those unprofitable allegiances, Sin Saloons, Dead-end Roads and drop out of that Smart-Mouth College.
These are places where the blessings and glory of God can never rain down but such as speaks of retardation, frustrations and regrets. It may still be tasting sweet but its end will be very bitter indeed.

Its the start of a new year, I plead that you may pray to God to direct and connect you   with people who are friends with His Son Jesus and can be true in their relationship with you.
Ask for grace to severe and disconnect from every unholy and ungodly allegiances that are slowing down the wheel of progress to your God given destiny.

Pardon my harshness but I love you this much.
God bless you.

ALL I NEEDED WAS A CUDDLE

“…….One thing led to the other and he took advantage of me.”  This was Betsy’s last statement and she began to cry. It was winter of 2011 when this happened and now she is a single mum to four-month old Jessica. The last time she ever set her eyes on Mark was on Christmas day when she told him she was pregnant. He has not even seen his daughter.

Betsy, 36, was at home, alone on this very cold evening and she began to have this snugly feeling. It came like a surge which left her very desperate for a cuddle up.  Her phone rang while she was making herself a cup of tea. She was unsure whether to return this call or not. She concluded it would be a good idea to return this call and perhaps they could spend sometime together. Mark had met Betsy barely six weeks but has been calling and texting ever since.

My response to Betsy was that the snugly feeling was not the problem but her response to the feeling. God created us and gave us emotions. This is part of who we are as human beings. Our spirit soul and body all engage our emotions to reflect the state of our mind but our emotions in themselves are not meant to control these components of our being.  Unfortunately, what obtains most of the time is the reverse. We have given the reins of our being unto our emotions and do whatever it dictates to us.

As adult single, I noticed whenever I had these feelings, some guy, somewhere just shows up. What makes it happen this way I cannot understand, all I knew was that I would be totally and solely responsible for whatever I choose to do when this aspect of my emotions come calling. Unfortunately I am not the only one that will be affected by the consequences of my rash decision. In Betsy’s case, an innocent child has been denied the joy of fatherly love because of my choice.

No matter how clear the Scripture is on God's precepts regarding sexuality, no matter how convincing the argument that sexual immorality is inconsistent with God's character and His will, sadly, many people will not respond by changing their sexual behaviour. Most of us in today's culture care less about the right and wrong of our actions than we do about fulfilling our craving for love and attention

Sex has become so casual everyone talks about it even more than we talk about the weather. You can hardly turn on the TV, see a movie, or listen to the radio without finding references to it. Not only is our culture talking about sex, it seems that everybody is doing it. 

The biblical boundaries for sex - God's instruction to reserve physical intimacy for marriage have been set aside, disregarded as old fashioned and culturally "out of step." 

Many of us reason that time has changed and that what works for each individual is different. As a Christian, believer in Jesus Christ, what works for you must align with scripture.

Biblical precept of sex is that when it is experienced outside marriage it becomes a sin called immorality. (1 Thess. 4:3)

God’s principle is that we His children should flee from sexual immorality. (1 Cor. 6:18)

God wants us to personally commit this part of our being unto Him to help us keep pure. He offered to help when we become faithless and burning out. (2 Tim. 2:13).

Josh McDowell said God’s intention when he commanded sexual purity was to protect our feelings and to do us good. He wanted to protect us from guilt and from unwanted pregnancies and even possible murder in abortion. He seeks to protect us also from emotional distress.

Our obedience to a life of purity provides peace with God and peace of mind. Provides trust with future spouse and healthy atmosphere for child rearing. Our obedience also provides spiritual reward for true intimacy when we eventually get married.

God is not unsympathetic, (Hebrew 4:14-16). Every "thou shalt not" in the Bible is given to protect us and provide for our good; nowhere is that more clear than in His precept to remain sexually pure. And when we diligently follow the Lord's commands in all areas of our lives, we will find that we are living under the protection of his loving hand and enjoying the immeasurable pleasures of an intimate relationship with him. All other pleasurable experience He will not deny us.

Think about it my beloved Sister.

God bless you.