SPEAK OUT AND BE FREE

I was replying to backlog of emails  recently when I noticed a mail  sent since January 2, by a lady who had just read my book 'SINGLE WITHOUT SINKING'.
Here's a quote from her mail:
"...... As much as this is plunging me into deeper distress, overwhelmed with grief and sadness, feeling desolate and deserted, I am not speaking to nobody about this and will carry it to my grave......"

She refused to open up about these issues for the following reasons:
1. Past betrayals,
2. Lack of trust ,
3. Fear of being exposed.
We've been speaking since the 3rd of January, but not until the late hours of Friday the 6th of February, before she could loosen up a little bit. She's been diagnosed with early signs of depression and currently under observation for some other health related issues.

The point is this, she had believed the lie about herself, she had believed the lie about her God and she had generalised this lie about everybody else.  If you have seen what chronic stages of depression had done to people, you will not wish to see anyone go down those roads without a fight to help them out.
How we handle/manage or deal with our various disappointing experiences will often determine how those events control, manipulate or distort our attitude/responses to God's word and the truth of His redeeming love.
When we choose to become reclusive, we give room for satan's lies to thrive, and we engage ourselves  in solo romance of delusion.
Often times, prolonged grief over a broken relationship or hurt make many suffer emotionally. It will eventually take its toll on our physical, spiritual and psychological well being.
Allowing God's word to breathe into our minds helps us to take a few steps in our response to the way out of this experience.

SPEAKING OUT: We can ask God to lead us to His choice people, who have the grace to listen and draw alongside us in prayerful support and godly guidance.
REACHING OUT: Make ourselves available to places and events where sound word and doctrine is preached, where God's love is truly shared and where we can be genuinely cared for. (We must remember that the woman with the issue of blood stepped out and went to where Jesus was, she reached to HIM and touched HIM.)
CONFESSING THE TRUTH:
(a.) Locate and identify the negative thoughts or disbelief in your self-talk. e.g “I am no good because things are not like what I expect or want.”
(b.)Argue against the negative thoughts. “I am not a failure just because I do not meet unrealistic expectations of myself or others.”
 (c.)Learn how to avoid rumination (the constant churning of thoughts in one’s mind) by immediately changing your thoughts.
(d.)Replace the negative thoughts the very second they occur with the truth and with empowering positive thoughts and beliefs. e.g “In spite of the sorrow,  disappointments and feelings I experience, the Lord will help me carry on.”

Philippians 3:13 & 14 says, “…but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.”
We are on a track, running life’s race. The most incredible thing is that each Christian is the only person on his/her track. One does not have to be all that fast, but steady.
Look ahead, stretch forward towards a new day and thank God for all you have in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Your tomorrow will be better and even more glorious than your yesterdays.
Cheer up . Christ has conquered for YOU! Say NO to depression.

CAN I STILL TRUST GOD ?

Truth is, sometimes our human mind produces the thought of God not fulfilling what He promised. Our time tells us He is unmindful and our heart tells us to shift our trust to self-help.
So, why didn't God stick out for me when in my 20s and 30s and 40s.? We may even ask why He's helped some people who may not have asked for His help and He's left us crying out to Him for years.
I knew there were times I had charged God with being partial and being unfair.
Looking back, I can say that I really never understood and still don't understand. However, in my life, right now, seeing what He's doing, I have come to trust Him so much even when I don't have a clue what He is putting together for me. He is God and will always be my Father.
Much of our life today is shaped by decisions we made and opinions we formed when we were young? These immature pacts we made with ourselves often have great sway over the course of our lives. Nevertheless, not only does the Cross provides the remedy for the shame of our sinful pasts, It also speaks, just as His blood atones for our present 'unjust' suffering. (Without doubt, there is physical, psychological and mental suffering in waiting).
So where is God in all of these? Good question! God is at the centre, Where HE promised to make all things work together for our good.
A couple had their first child in their late 50s. The wife married him when she was 44 and had to wait 12years to have a child. Wasn't it enough that she married late? Enduring another wait to have a child  must have been a horrendous one. She did not sin or done wrong, neither the god-fearing husband. This was God's plan to use these couple to showcase His power, His wonder working power to all men. My jaws dropped as I listened to their testimony.
God must have been so proud of this couple who trusted and waited on Him till the very end. He needed those He could trust with His grace to wait in Him for the appointed time. He found this couple faithful.
Perhaps, God's looking for more people to use as vessels through whom His power and greatness will be demonstrated to the whole world. If you can't understand Him, you can still trust in Him; Self-help diverts the course of His divine plan.
When we make our life take on an eternal perspective; and we become able to truly forgive all our oppressors. These realities may be as shadows to us right now, but God is at work bringing them into full view in our life sooner than we can imagine.
God's calling out: "My daughters! trust Me, I know your fears, I am working in your favour, My plans are good, I love you......I will give you a future and a hope."

"I waited patiently for the Lord to help me,
and he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the pit of despair,
out of the mud and the mire.
He set my feet on solid ground
and steadied me as I walked along. He has given me a new song to sing,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see what he has done and be amazed.
They will put their trust in the Lord. who have no confidence in the proud
or in those who worship idols. O Lord my God, you have performed many wonders for us.
Your plans for us are too numerous to list.
You have no equal.
If I tried to recite all your wonderful deeds,
I would never come to the end of them.
Oh, the joys of those who trust the Lord,...." (Psalm 40:1-5)

Although our circumstances had produced great personal pain, they also had been hand-selected by a loving and all-knowing God to produce good things in our life that only they could produce.

In a Culture of Self where the problems of the past continually invade the present, the Cross of Christ in the gospel of Christ is at work invading our past, overturning lies, redefining events, and extending the light of the glory of God into the darkest memories of our lives.
So, yes! We can still trust God for a testimony filled 2014. Our expectations shall not be cut off in Jesus name.
Much love to you all.

NON-CHRISTIAN BUT VERY GOOD

Fondly called MM on campus, he was every ladies dream man. Very handsome, neat and cool guy. We were reading buddies. He happened to be a genius in his field of study and commanded the respect of all, even his lecturers. I knew him to have come from a Muslim background but he was not practising. He was at the time embracing to all. He opened himself to everyone and confessed faith in God. 
After almost two years of whispering his intentions, we sat down to formerly discuss my reservations. Only one, just one reason we could not be talking about marrying each other was the fact that I am Christian and he isn't. We gradually drew apart from this moment. Few years later, he got a top job offer and became a household name with some good money. Still single, he came back to me to rekindle his interest.

This was the time I struggled. I began to rationalise and make excuses for why I should consider him. I suppressed every thought of my knowledge of his background. I compared him with and considered him better than some Christian guys I had met. I made enough justification for him in my heart and would willingly defend my judgement of him. Apart from the fact that I really liked him, he also had everything going for him to make life 'better' for me if I were his wife.
In 2 Corinthians, Paul warns believers by writing, “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common?” (6:14). Paul doesn’t say love can’t exist between a believer and a nonbeliever, but what Paul observes is that a believer and a nonbeliever cannot ever really understand each other. How can we expect a person who walks with Christ to be understood by someone who doesn’t even know him?

But slowly, MM's intimate and intense influence on me almost began to reshape my long-held convictions. He did believe in a god but had no commitment to him. So when he almost rough-handled me into having sex with him, I was disappointed but not shocked. Paul wrote in 2 Corinthians 7:1 that we need to “purify ourselves from everything that contaminates body and spirit.” Letting someone who doesn’t hold our convictions and beliefs into the secret places of our heart surely can wear us down and contaminate the good there. I would have missed out on God's plan for me.

There is this theory that women are willing to make sacrifices for their partners, once they have become emotionally attached, they’re willing to make compromises to try to hang on to the relationship. Men won’t do that. ... These girls are probably thinking, ‘He’s not perfect. But I love him and I can help him change.’
It hurts our own faith. We can convince ourselves that everything will be OK once the other person changes. But typically, it’s we who change.

What makes us think we can change a man? First off, we can’t save anyone – no matter how hard we work at it. It’s God’s call whose heart to work in, not ours. Second, the basic premise of 'hope-to-convert' dating is purposeful deception. Do we really want to trick or lure somebody to Christ using our love as bait? I hope not.
Temptation to date a non-Christian can take many forms. We may excuse ourselves with the fact there aren't single Christian men showing interest in us. May I ask here: Can God really lack sons? NO.

If non-Christians are showing interest when Christians either aren’t or aren’t around, it can be hard to resist. I mean, if you’re getting no results in your search, it seems sensible to drop the one stipulation that’s narrowing your potential pool, right?
This is where our loyalty to the Lordship of Jesus over our life is put to test. This is one of the reasons why we walk a narrow way that Jesus said leads to life.
Can two walk together except they be agreed? So how do you pray together and to whom do you pray. Which destination for eternity are you heading towards? Together or different ways? What effect does this have on your eternity and that of your children?
IF YOU ARE DOUBTING IT; DON'T DO IT.

Sister, if this sounds a bit familiar to your situation right now, it is high time you prayed. God can do mighty things through prayer. And he can also do mighty things through the people He puts around us. I try to take advantage of those trusted friends and family members by being open with my life so they can lend me truth and accountability. I try to be honest with them. And to ask them to look out for me and keep me in prayer. In fact, I have even given some loved ones specific permission to challenge me and question me about dating decisions.

Most of all, we need to trust God to build our romantic relationships. And we need him not only as the architect but as a day-to-day presence in both members’ lives. Great advice comes from Psalm 127:1: “Unless the Lord builds the house, its builders labour in vain.”

Sadly, the guy I mentioned earlier, MM, married a Christian lady. I understand she is battling with her children being called by there Muslim names as insisted by MM's parents and she has been stopped from taking the children with her to Sunday School. My very liberal and moderate friend called MM has suddenly began to wear his full religion cap as this is what got him the top post he has with the government.

Before you say 'I DO', think again. God's word did say, do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers.

DO NOT CONTINUE WHAT GOD HAS DISCONTINUED

Waiting to be married in itself is very very hard. It is both mentally and emotionally draining, but for the grace of God. 
However, the waiting that must never be condoned is hanging on a man or a dying relationship with the hope that with a little more patience, the man will change. 
The fact of the matter is we cannot make decisions on what we do not know. I say this because the fact that a person "could" change is not enough to support an ailing relationship. You don't know whether they will.
The hope that a person may grow spiritually is no reason to nurture a dying relationship. What you do not know may offer hope, but we ACT, in the moment, on what we do know.
If the decision is whether to continue with someone who continually draws you into sin—there is no decision. It may be a temporary stay or a permanent cessation, but the relationship needs SERIOUS HELP! This is the stuff of police reports—the person who is abusive but claims they "love" you. If they are drawing you into sin—THEY DO NOT LOVE YOU!
Not the way Love should LOVE, sacrificially, unselfishly.
If someone is not drawing you deeper into fellowship with the Lord, that person is a hindrance to running "the race marked out for [you]" (Heb. 12:1). If this seems harsh or exclusive—so be it. It may very well be that to live a life pleasing to the Lord you may need to be somewhat ruthless. If this is why you are still single, no apology is needed.
Some of us may have come from a broken home or an abusive childhood; you may have had or may never have had a serious relationship; you may have many unfulfilled goals and dreams. Some of us may even have it all well worked out yet feeling that we aren't worth it because we are not yet married.
Whatever “it” is in your life that you think you are missing, whatever “it” is that you think is holding you back, whatever “it” is that is your security blanket that you think may have left you incomplete, never hope that one man, just a man will fulfil all this longings. None but the Most High God.
A man without the fear of God, will add to the burdens you already have and the little hope that you are clinging unto may be taken off you. The reason many of us are left broken and shattered today is the error of placing our hope in man, a human like us, who may not even know how to sort himself out. Our youthful and single days are often burnt out chasing the creation and not the creator.
Here is the word of God:

Trust God from the bottom of your heart;
don’t try to figure out everything on your own.
Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go;
he’s the one who will keep you on track.
Don’t assume that you know it all.
Run to God! Run from evil!
Your body will glow with health,
your very bones will vibrate with life!
Honor God with everything you own;
give him the first and the best.
Your barns will burst,
your wine vats will brim over.
But don’t, dear friend, resent God’s discipline;
don’t sulk under his loving correction.
It’s the child he loves that God corrects;
a father’s delight is behind all this. Proverbs 3:5-12 (The Message)

THE TRULY SORTED ARE THOSE SETTLED BY JESUS CHRIST. WAIT ON HIM TO SORT YOU OUT. THOUGH HE DELAYS, HE WILL SURELY COME TO PERFECT ALL THAT CONCERNS YOU! YOUR LIFE IS NOT A GUESS WORK. GOD HAS A PLAN! COOPERATE WITH HIM.

If it is a godly man you are looking for (and I pray it is), expect the person you are dating to live up to this great charge. Call them to live up to this great charge. The truth is you may look back and thank God he hindered you. But first, if he is hindering you, you must be hindered. Accept not to forge ahead in your own strength. 
Wait on the Lord!

VERY TEMPTING

Not long ago when our daughter was born, a very kind neighbour visited us and gave us a bouquet of flower and a bottle of Baileys Irish Cream. The beautifully arranged flowers found a good space in the living room but the drink I hid in a cupboard in the kitchen. 
We do not drink anything alcohol but I had tasted alcohol in the past when I had not become born-again. I knew what it did to me in my college days. Nobody in my family ever knew I drank.
Despite not having tasted alcohol for over 22yrs, I found myself not completely out its grip. The Baileys was in my cupboard for almost a year. 
Now listen to this! I was going to this cupboard at minimum of thrice a week just to look at the bottle and often with the desire to at least have a little shot. Unbelievable! But yes, I did.
Eventually, I told my husband what I have been battling with. He had a good laugh and said he knew but was just waiting to see if one day I'll open the drink. 
Then he said something very profound. He made me understand that just like any other sin or habit, the craving and desire never leaves but the power of Christ gives us the grace to master and control the craving. While speaking to me, he grabbed the drink and took it out into the chute.
This drink may represent different things to each one of us. We may be constantly finding ourselves down the same sinful route and still being mastered by our cravings and desires, making us fall for the same old temptation that lures us into sin all of the time. 
There is good news!
Jesus died for all Sin. We have victory over all sin. As we battle on, we draw constantly from the victory that Christ has given us. But here are a few things to note:

1. There will always be temptations and great tempting moments
2. The less we feed on the thoughts of the sin, the earlier it dies. The more we feed on the cravings, the greater the chances of falling for it.
3. Always have a spirit filled accountability partner, people who love you enough to be blunt with the truth and willing to give both physical and spiritual help when needed.
4. Be honest with your struggles and not hide them under your spiritual cap.
5. Do all the necessary physical precautions just as much as you engage it spiritually.
6. Have full confidence and faith in the power of Christ and His shed blood knowing that God is already aware of your battles even before you come to Him with it.
7. Be determined within you that you will no longer be ruled or subjected to your old passions and its orgies.
8. Every form of our hedonistic tendencies are targeted towards rebellion against God. Do all within you to resist. The time is short and the Lord is at hand.
9. Listen to the still small voice within you sounding you with note of caution. That is the Holy Spirit.
10. Jesus saves from all sin, slavery and bondage. He is our strong tower and our refuge.

(James 1:12-13)

FLEE !

Have you noticed a married man trying to get close and desperately wanting to be friends with you? That may not be an issue, is it? No. It becomes an issue when he's bringing you into his emotional and matrimonial issues. This is the subtlest approach to luring you in, into his heart. 
Is he presenting a pathetic picture of his wife's inadequacies?, 
Does he think you are all he had wished for in a wife?
Does he flatter you with sweet words and considers you a good thinker?
Is he trying to make you a confidant?
Does he spare nothing when it comes to spending on you?
Does he crave for 'special' moments with you?
My darling sister, that man has family, he has brothers and sisters, he has pastors and friends, people who are able to counsel him and support him. NOT YOU!
That you are single does not make you an available option for those who are sick and tired of their wives.
Men of easy virtue will take advantage of single women who are desperate for affection. 
Satan knows how to position such destructive and distractive men around God's daughters at the verge of their breakthrough. 
You cannot afford to miss out on the beautiful plan of God that could have rewarded your years of waiting. 
No matter how justifying a relationship is to a married man, it is still adultery. 
His unfaithfulness to his wife will catch up with you and he'll run off with another woman once he's done, it's only a matter of time.
God hates divorce, so do not aid or encourage it. None of us should ever be the reason why homes should breakdown. 
A man must never use you as a reason for divorcing his wife.
Friendship, association or relationship with a married man must be discontinued at the first sign of emotional attachment.
Jesus is not unable to sympathise with our weakness, He actually promised to help us and give us grace to deal with it. (Hebrew 4:12-14)
Remember, we can hide from one another but not from the God who sees and knows all things.
If you are in one of such relationships, God will show you the escape route. He is ready to help. He will help. You are HIS daughter. 
YOU ARE LOVED BY HIM.

GET OVER IT AND MOVE ON

Some people are simply natural-born optimists. Their ability to see the bright side of a dark situation and reset their sites after disappointment is almost surreal. It's mystifying to the rest of us, who are often flattened by the same misfortune. Most of us have to work at being optimistic. We have to take decisive steps to break the spell of moods that can hold us captive for long periods. 
The challenge is particularly great when we experience a serious loss, for it can cast a dark shadow over our life from that point on and forever colour our perception of what God would make possible for us to accomplish.
In reality, we are much more capable of rebounding from the wounds of major disappointments than we normally imagine. And we have much more control over the healing process than we tend to think. Here are four steps that can help.
Have you just lost a job? Has a prospective husband ditched you? Have you just fallen out of a relationship? Did you just have an expectation cut short?
1. Take time to grieve your loss.
2. Appreciate the resilience God has put within you.
3. Dwell on God as one who brings healing to our hurts through giving us new beginnings.
4. Take determined godly steps to break the spell of our grief.
You may be knocked down but you are not out. Here is what God said:

A friend spent hours persuading me to see reasons why certain people and some past circumstances in her life had all contributed to the present situation she is in at the moment. Everyone else is to be blamed but her.

"If only he hadn't....., if my Dad had......, If mum was able....., If my sister had not......, if that Guy never came......, but for that friend who twisted......, had I worked with a nicer boss......, If my company had done......., I blame it on my previous church......, It was the fault of the church members....., my neighbours caused... "
You can be absolutely right—perhaps someone else is to blame, but blaming doesn't get you any closer to fixing a problem or overcoming a challenge. I have found that we can get to the other side of our challenge a lot more quickly if we change our focus:

Let go of blame and grudges, and forge ahead to do what we must do to resolve it.(Where possible with God's help)
We cannot control everything that happens to us, but we can control how we respond to it. One of the most important aspects of spiritual growth is shifting your focus to a solution rather than focusing on who is to blame. Jesus is our solution.

When you blame others, you are essentially saying, "Other people determine my destiny. Others determine my happiness, my goals and my future." Whatever happens in your life, taking responsibility for it empowers you to learn and do better in the future.
Be honest with yourself. Are you blaming someone or something for circumstances you don't like in your life?

The good news is this:
"..And He who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." (Romans 8:27 -28)
Pray about that pain. Leave it with JESUS. Fast forward in His Word and move on.
Be encouraged in Jesus name.

".....“Forget about what’s happened;
don’t keep going over old history.
Be alert, be present. I’m about to do something brand-new.
It’s bursting out! Don’t you see it?
There it is! I’m making a road through the desert,
rivers in the badlands.
Wild animals will say ‘Thank you!’
—the coyotes and the buzzards—
Because I provided water in the desert,
rivers through the sun-baked earth,
Drinking water for the people I chose,
the people I made especially for myself,
a people custom-made to praise me...."

Isaiah 43:18-20
The Message (MSG)

WHEN IT HURTS SO BAD

Some of us may be having very deep emotional wounds that is proving too painful to heal. We may have been abused, mistreated, or felt unloved as a child. Our growing up may have witnessed domestic abuse both violent and verbal by parents or guardians. 
Even as adults, we may be going through series of unfair treatment, being constantly misunderstood, wrong accusations and shouting down by haters.
We may have trusted or deeply loved people who have been unfaithful, betrayed you, or even turned against you, all of which may have left us excruciatingly hurting or painfully wounded.
These emotional wounds would have inflicted great injury on our sense of worth, identity and security. The effect on our mind could also be self-condemning, self justifying or blame chase. Whichever applies, undoubtedly, must have left us feeling hurt, heaviness, loss, grief, anger, possibly resentment and fierce desire for revenge towards those we consider responsible.
How very quick to say 'I've let go!, I've forgiven!' when actually our wounds are still dripping with bitter pores and bleeding sore. We may have pushed down these painful emotions by denying they exist or suppressing them altogether.
We cannot afford to continue assuming they are no longer there; they are still alive, buried deep within, we have not allowed ourselves to be healed.
Hey! Sis, stop trying to forget it and hoping that time will heal it. Using scripture repetitively isn't the solution either. YOU NEED GOD'S HEALING TOUCH.
Only Jesus Christ can do that for you. No formula or therapy can deal with your heartache. There is no solution in Yoga or any form of meditation. Temporary relief is even worse as the dark stark reality of your wound will be progressing with every stage of your life.
You need to speak openly to Jesus, only to Jesus alone. The only physician Who heals the soul. That is the work He came to do. (Read Isaiah 61:1-3).
Tell him the story (even though He knows already) but crying out to Him reveals your desire to have Him work on you. Tell him honestly that you are hurting, angry, feeling revengeful and deeply bitter. It is OK to cry, but after this, I know in Jesus' name, you will not have to cry over this again. The Lord has been waiting for such a long time for you to admit your helplessness and cry out to Him and allow healing to happen. It was possible for Jesus to forgive those who nailed Him to the Cross while in the pain, he cried out to the Father to forgive them. (Luke 23:34)
Get rid of your hurt for your own sake. You have been held down for too long. It has drained you of spiritual, physical and emotional energy. You have been damaged enough. Those who hurt you aren't feeling a thing. They've moved on. IT IS TIME FOR YOU TO MOVE ON!
Releasing the people to God frees you. Your healing begins and the Lord starts the work of restoration. RESTORATION begins to happen for you as you forgive and let go. God sees in you His nature and character; He is able to bring full recovery of all that had been taken away from you. 
This process may bring back painful memories and fresh hurt but you will definitely feel HIS healing touch upon you instantly, and gradually in the days ahead you will experience the healing and full healing that only our CHRIST JESUS can bring.
Remember, you are loved. 

THE CONFIRMED BACHELOR

Times when we've had to let go of a relationship that refused to be defined, the first assumption we make is that something was probably wrong with us and the man may have respected us enough and does not want to discuss it, hence the dragging of feet.
Ladies! No, not all times. Some men are just not ready to commit.
Willingness to commit has nothing to do with age or maturity, but more of the attitude of heart. Some men enter into relationship, knowing they are not willing to be committed and possibly not ready for marriage but will lead women on and then pull out gradually leaving the woman to think she's done something wrong or that she's not worth it.
Jacob in the Bible, worked seven years to marry the woman he loved, he was conned on the wedding night and got the wrong bride. He didn't put Leah away but kept her, worked another seven years for Racheal, the love of his life. The point is Jacob was prepared and ready. Circumstances didn't change him. His attitude of heart was that of respect, show of maturity and honour for the dignity of womanhood.
Identify a loser before you involve yourself too deeply. Do not allow vision-less men to block your sight, they will drag you into the ditch of pain, leave you there and they walk on. You will be left to cry out for help, both for physical and emotional injury they may have caused. Some men are enjoying the single life so much they love it with all the perks of it. They never grow up. How do you explain a 49year old single man who is still not ready to settle down and be committed? You want to imagine how many women such men would have wounded along the way back. You shouldn't be the next in line. You musn't be added to that statistics. 
You have no business waiting for a man for over a year to propose and he is not. If he is a confirmed 'Bachelor' or a 'Player', even if he is in the church, stay away from him. Propose a withdrawal from him to yourself, accept it and fast-forward your journey to the next level that your Father in heaven is waiting to take you.
A god-fearing, serious minded man will give you clue to where a friendship is heading even before he puts words into it. The moment you start to wait day after day, night after night and nothing comes from him, you ask and he says he needs more time, it high time you checked out of that relationship. Such men are like taxis without tyres; no matter how much you flag down, they are not going any where. 
Keep walking on, God is sending the man your way. Leave that bus stop, walk further with God and THE MAN will pick you up and take you to his destination immediately. You aren't far from there anymore, just a little while, and you are walking the aisle.
Loving you all Sisters. Precious are you in HIM.

CHECK YOUR 'PRAISE' TEMPERATURE

I noticed I didn't see this lady throughout last term and was wondering if she's moved home. I ran into her this morning as I previously would on school runs. She's literally gone to her grave and back. She never knew she could make it back to life but God healed her. It was a life threatening illness. For the first time ever, she mentioned God. I woke up this morning to the news of so many who looked to the weekend on Friday but never made it to Monday, not of their will. The lives lost in Kenya bombings, the worshippers killed as they came out of church in Pakistan, the Christian community maimed and massacred in a northern village in Nigerian, those killed in the US Naval base and the list goes on.
Among these deaths were women, married with children, living the life but had it snuffed out of them in their prime. 
An ingrate is anyone who may have woken up today with the gift of life but feeling like not living. The dead would have wished (I'm sure) they escaped death. You have been preserved, kept by the power of God. As rough as life may seem at the moment, you can still live through life with a hope for a brighter tomorrow. We are not better than those gone, we are just blessed to still be here.
Our gratitude level should always be on the rise. We must not wait to experience pain or have a bad time before we appreciate and praise God.
Earlier in the evening yesterday, I sympathised with a friend at her despair on being single for far too long. Later in the night, I was praying with a traumatised married woman who was wishing she had not married her man and wished she was single.
This is life. Ladies, the Lord knows what's best for us and when it's best to bring us to it. Till then, check your 'PRAISE GAUGE' and see what you measure. Are you found wanting?
Break into a song of joy to the honour of the Lord Most High, whom, even though we may not understand what He is doing and our view of His workings may be limited, we can trust that He is working for our good. His love for us is so special and so great. He has our best interest at heart. He knows what to do with that situation on your mind.
TRUST HIM and show it by being THANKFUL.
I actually just thanked God for Angela Mikel of the Christian Democratic Party of Germany who just won the election and returned to power. I celebrate women in power who fear God. Just on a thankful note. There loads of other things to praise God for even going to the rest room and being able to do it by myself, yes, as funny as that may sound. GOD IS GOOD.
You are loved.
Check your praise temperature, it is very healthy when HIGH. Make it rise.

TRAVELLING LIGHT but DWELLING DEEP

You may have experienced this before but permit me to share. Last Friday, my family travelled with a few others from church on a weekend away. This Christian resort had everything to make a village a home. We were already told to travel light as everything else apart from clothing is already provided. Two nights(Friday-Sunday) should not require much anyway. 
Yours truly, I packed all and everything I thought would be needful. I had a few extra clothing for the kids. I sneaked a few extra for hubby just in case. For my self, you trust. You won't believe this, but in my restlessness and fear, I packed food (cooked food), cereals. I insisted that my husband packs the Kindle, laptop and kids Nintendo.(That's way too much you'll say).
We got there Friday night to my first shock, WiFi and mobile network were disabled for the resort.(mobiles and computers couldn't function). No food allowed, so it was impossible to store the cooked food. Secondly, the heating was turned on so high, extra clothings were unnecessary. Finally, there were so many activities lined up for the kids they didn't have any time for the games I packed. 
The truth is, we came back home with so much that was never used. we shouldn't have travelled with them at all. 
We sat back at home Sunday night to reflect on the theme of the weekend away "Travelling Light and Dwelling deep". As we were sharing, we saw on the TV, the corpse of a very wealthy man being taken for burial and all he had on in his casket was a piece of suit, tie and shoes to match. He left behind all the Billion pounds, the mansions and huge wealth. He died and took nothing. 
We reflected on both, this rich man's corpse and my clumsy packing for the weekend. How so easily we toil and labour to gather that which is never needful and in the process we forget the needful-dwelling on the instructions of the Almighty. We can be so full of baggages that we leave the very necessary undone.
We came into this world with nothing and whether as single or married, we shall return one day with nothing. Let us keep this in mind that we do not allow ourselves to be beclouded with the fear of the unknown that we fail to rest in the known. The known is that God has faithfully promised to carry us through and our only baggage is FAITH in Him.
Ladies, let us endeavour to travel light and trust God to take care of us as He has promised. Let us give attention to our walk with Him and seek to deepen our relationship with Jesus Christ. That is all that will matter at the end of the journey. That we are single does not make God unfair, that we are married does not make us better people. We are all pilgrims on this earth and praying that at the end of our journeys in good ripe age, we would not have carried unnecessary baggages that will have earthly value but will be eternally useless.
Let's have a quick look at how we are travelling on, is there any baggage we need to drop? Are there things we are holding on to that are not needful for our Christian journey e.g anger, unforgiveness, hatred and strive? God had planned every provision for us in advance and we must shed the weight of everything that may be holding us back from fully relishing in the fullness of His provision. 
Is your bag light? Are you making what God planned to be pleasurable a little bit clumsy for yourself?
Shed the load; Travel light. 
We brought nothing to this word and with nothing we shall return. 
Rest today, in the promises of God that in Jesus, all that we need is fully provided. 
You will not lack your mate.

YOU ARE NOT A JUNK

Recently, I came across a teenager's Facebook status that reads " If you have it, flaunt it. If you don't have it pad it up". I didn't quite get it. After a while, I chose to look at her pictures out of curiosity. She had some pictures of herself before and after she's 'pad it up'. I started a chat to know what could have led her into this. This innocent life had believed a lie some four years back that she is too shapeless to be a lady. she is 18 and rather than go under the knife, she opted for padded underwears. She has had it all corrupted that she is nil at good self image without big burst and big bum. 
Physical attractiveness, sexual potency and symbolic status / reputation are all she is worried about. Self image is the idol that she worships. Would anyone imagine what this could lead her into in the next ten years ?
Insecurity starts with little lies that we have believed and accepted. Working on our self image is what we consider as the only antidote to insecurity.Some of us have had our senses of self-worth so utterly devastated, through no fault of our own. We think that the only possible way to shore up the mores of our deeply wounded sense of worth is to compensate for the overwhelming feelings of powerlessness and worthlessness with which we are swamped, there by creating an image for others to worship.
However, this image is not really who we are; it is something which we set up because we feel so utterly debased, unworthy of love, vile, repulsive, a haunt for every kind of filth, or whatever, that we must hide behind something grandiose, gorgeous and breathtaking, even though it is ultimately counterfeit.
Trying to buy back our security, we do not need to engage in toxic behaviour that leads to false life. Love that is pure accepts us the way we are and will love who we truly are. Thank goodness that we did not need to impress God to earn HIS love. His love is pure and never considers what we think as flaws. His love never makes us feel empty or worthless. His love His perfect just as He says we are in His Son Jesus. 
Let us spare ourselves the troubles of trying to attain to an artificial perfect and flawless image that still never fill the void of our insecurity. We can give our fears and worries about our looks to God. Jesus cares about everything and can help us to handle everything.
A friend of mine has always complained that her nose is too big for her face. Nothing you say ever seems to change her view of herself. She hates to take pictures except from her side view. She is married, happily married to a good man with smaller nose than hers. We joked about her past worries recently and she said her husband really loved her nose as he too would love his kids to have a balanced size of nose kind of. God works in mysterious ways. We must love who we are and accept how He's made us and be secure in His ultimate purpose for and in everything that pertain to us.God does not make junks. 
YOU ARE PERFECT IN HIS EYES.

THAT UNWORTHY FEELING

Self-hatred and self-rejection are both ungodly. I have allowed myself to suffer greatly trying to overcome every flaw I saw in myself. I will manage to succeed at conquering one, guess what? another two will suddenly surface. Anyone in my shoes ???

God has made it clear to me that some weaknesses are in my life so HE could showcase HIS great strength in me and through me. He permitted some to linger so I could lean on HIM. All He is asking of me is to accept the offer of Himself as my maker, starter and finisher of my faith. On-going work in progress. I am not expected to accept weakness as part of my life or else I'll be overtaken by them.

I am to accept that when I gave my life to Christ, a good work was begun in me, He is faithful to work me through to completion on the last day. In the interim, I need to accept the fact that I am complete in HIM. Do you agree?
God works in us when we believe in making change a progressive and proactive part of my Christian walk. As we understand HIM better, we are aware of the truth that made us free and continuously walk in and into our freedom.

Is anyone in my shoes? Have you fallen into a pit you thought should never have happened again? Are you beating yourself around and feeling like a failure? Are you thinking this is why marriage has not happened? Do you think God is punishing you? Are you feeling worthless or think you are good for nothing?

Comm'on! You do not have idea how the love of God works.
If you do, you will know the depth of the love that brought Jesus back to Peter after he denied HIM thrice.
You do not have an idea why Jesus could chat with a loose woman at the well.
 You do not have an idea why a known prostitute was allowed to rub perfume on His feet and wipe with her hair.
You do not understand why a cheat and exploiter like Zacchaeus would be permitted to host Jesus to a robust dinner.
You do not have an idea why Shade, yes I mean myself will ever be called a child of God.

Wake up sister! It is about God and the righteous work of the Cross by Jesus. Nothing at all about you than to receive the perfect love of your heavenly father.

Are you moaning over an incessant sin in your life? yes moan but do not lose sight of the God who forgives when you confess it.
Are you feeling God is fed up with your unstable Christian life? yes be fed up with it but never with God.
Are you unhappy with the way life is treating you? yes be unhappy but never lose your joy in Him for that is where your strength come from.

God meant it when He said:

"Long ago the Lord said to ...............(Your name):
“I have loved you, my people, with an everlasting love.
    With unfailing love I have drawn you to myself."

Jeremiah 31:3(NLT)

Arise Sister! Receive your Fathers love. It is unconditional. Let the Joy of the SON shine on you.

UNPROFITABLE ALLEGIANCES

I have been struggling with this issue since it was laid on my heart about a week ago. I pray the Spirit of the living God to interpret and make expressly clear the importance and urgency of this message as it applies to us in Jesus name.

It bothers on our unprofitable allegiances; Our strong support  for and loyalty to a particular group, persons or beliefs that does us no good and are actually non-beneficial to our spirit and soul.

Maintaining friendship with people who do not share your values, who are not looking in the same direction as you and do not aspire to reach the goal you want to pursue will always hold you down and drag you their way.
Once you are taken off your route, focus is lost and frustrations begins. unfortunately, it is your frustrations that give them an edge over you because while you sulk, they feel superior.

Sadly in that state of despair, you turn to the same vision-less people, who are stagnated and settled midway, for counsel and direction because they are your 'best buddies'.
You are useful to them, but they profit you nothing. Your time and space is used up by them to stir the thread of gossip in the name of gisting to justify their bitterness for the people they hate. They speak sharp words that turns you from the pursuit of progress because they can't stand you becoming better than them.

You watch them make little progress but always wonder why they don't reveal the secrets of their ways because they can judge you more intellectual to overtake them. These are 'friends' who always want to listen to your miseries and act in full pretence that they've got it altogether.
Sadly, these are the ones you call 'my best friends'. May be it is time you checked what truly defines a friend as 'best'.

It took me a long hard learned lesson to fully understand why JESUS CHRIST calls me friend. It is because there is none other who can be wholly true to me like HIM. When I became fully restored to Christ, He showed me people He wants me to be with. He connected us, placed His love on our hearts for each other and gave us a heavenly driven, pure, honest, sincere and helpful relationship.
Until then, I could not grasp what David meant in Psalm 1:1(MSG)
"How well God must like you—
    you don’t hang out at Sin Saloon,
    you don’t slink along Dead-End Road,
    you don’t go to Smart-Mouth College."

Whao!!! What a great reward for living obediently to that command. I so much love how The Message version of the Bible puts it. See what it says in verses 2-3 of Psalm 1:
"Instead you thrill to God’s Word,
    you chew on Scripture day and night.
You’re a tree replanted in Eden,
    bearing fresh fruit every month,
Never dropping a leaf,
    always in blossom."

Dear friend, do you fancy God replanting you? Do you fancy bearing fresh fruit every month? Do you dream of never dropping a leaf and always in blossom?
If your answer is 'YES', then my dearest, you have to checkout from those unprofitable allegiances, Sin Saloons, Dead-end Roads and drop out of that Smart-Mouth College.
These are places where the blessings and glory of God can never rain down but such as speaks of retardation, frustrations and regrets. It may still be tasting sweet but its end will be very bitter indeed.

Its the start of a new year, I plead that you may pray to God to direct and connect you   with people who are friends with His Son Jesus and can be true in their relationship with you.
Ask for grace to severe and disconnect from every unholy and ungodly allegiances that are slowing down the wheel of progress to your God given destiny.

Pardon my harshness but I love you this much.
God bless you.

ALL I NEEDED WAS A CUDDLE

“…….One thing led to the other and he took advantage of me.”  This was Betsy’s last statement and she began to cry. It was winter of 2011 when this happened and now she is a single mum to four-month old Jessica. The last time she ever set her eyes on Mark was on Christmas day when she told him she was pregnant. He has not even seen his daughter.

Betsy, 36, was at home, alone on this very cold evening and she began to have this snugly feeling. It came like a surge which left her very desperate for a cuddle up.  Her phone rang while she was making herself a cup of tea. She was unsure whether to return this call or not. She concluded it would be a good idea to return this call and perhaps they could spend sometime together. Mark had met Betsy barely six weeks but has been calling and texting ever since.

My response to Betsy was that the snugly feeling was not the problem but her response to the feeling. God created us and gave us emotions. This is part of who we are as human beings. Our spirit soul and body all engage our emotions to reflect the state of our mind but our emotions in themselves are not meant to control these components of our being.  Unfortunately, what obtains most of the time is the reverse. We have given the reins of our being unto our emotions and do whatever it dictates to us.

As adult single, I noticed whenever I had these feelings, some guy, somewhere just shows up. What makes it happen this way I cannot understand, all I knew was that I would be totally and solely responsible for whatever I choose to do when this aspect of my emotions come calling. Unfortunately I am not the only one that will be affected by the consequences of my rash decision. In Betsy’s case, an innocent child has been denied the joy of fatherly love because of my choice.

No matter how clear the Scripture is on God's precepts regarding sexuality, no matter how convincing the argument that sexual immorality is inconsistent with God's character and His will, sadly, many people will not respond by changing their sexual behaviour. Most of us in today's culture care less about the right and wrong of our actions than we do about fulfilling our craving for love and attention

Sex has become so casual everyone talks about it even more than we talk about the weather. You can hardly turn on the TV, see a movie, or listen to the radio without finding references to it. Not only is our culture talking about sex, it seems that everybody is doing it. 

The biblical boundaries for sex - God's instruction to reserve physical intimacy for marriage have been set aside, disregarded as old fashioned and culturally "out of step." 

Many of us reason that time has changed and that what works for each individual is different. As a Christian, believer in Jesus Christ, what works for you must align with scripture.

Biblical precept of sex is that when it is experienced outside marriage it becomes a sin called immorality. (1 Thess. 4:3)

God’s principle is that we His children should flee from sexual immorality. (1 Cor. 6:18)

God wants us to personally commit this part of our being unto Him to help us keep pure. He offered to help when we become faithless and burning out. (2 Tim. 2:13).

Josh McDowell said God’s intention when he commanded sexual purity was to protect our feelings and to do us good. He wanted to protect us from guilt and from unwanted pregnancies and even possible murder in abortion. He seeks to protect us also from emotional distress.

Our obedience to a life of purity provides peace with God and peace of mind. Provides trust with future spouse and healthy atmosphere for child rearing. Our obedience also provides spiritual reward for true intimacy when we eventually get married.

God is not unsympathetic, (Hebrew 4:14-16). Every "thou shalt not" in the Bible is given to protect us and provide for our good; nowhere is that more clear than in His precept to remain sexually pure. And when we diligently follow the Lord's commands in all areas of our lives, we will find that we are living under the protection of his loving hand and enjoying the immeasurable pleasures of an intimate relationship with him. All other pleasurable experience He will not deny us.

Think about it my beloved Sister.

God bless you.

BEFORE YOU PACK YOUR BAG

NO, it isn't. It is not a must that you spend Christmas in the house of that man or weekend away with that guy who doesn't seem to know what he wants or appears not ready to settle down with you. God's truth already diffuses that myth that you can do just whatever you want with yourself. (Hebrews 13:4).
Well except that you may not mind that it bothers your maker to see you get trashed and being used as part of convenience for a festive period. But that's not who you are. You are a very special treasure, a beautiful work of creation and adorable daughter of the King.
I sat on the WC earlier in the day, getting tissue to clean up and as I dropped it in to press the flush button, I felt the Lord saying to me 'that is how some of my daughters are waiting to be used, drop off and flushed away' . That made me sad I must confess. I stood there and tried to re-process what I've just done and imagining that happening to God's daughter is enough to make the heart of any father bleed, how much more your Lord who died and paid the ransom for your beautiful and precious soul.

My beloved and darling sister, perhaps you are already making plans to go spend Christmas break with that guy, stop! think again. God is speaking ahead because He wants you preserved from being used like a tissue and dumped like a trash. That is not befitting for the daughter of the Most High.
You are a new creation, you are no more in any condemnation. Do not take the liberty of this new life for granted and the grace in vain.
If you truly understand what we are celebrating at Christmas, will Jesus be glad to find you where you are hibernating on HIS special day??? Is your presence in his house and sleeping over honouring to the name of Christ?

Does it really bother you that Jesus calls you special? God never lies. When He declared in Jeremiah 31: 3 saying:
 "......“Yes, I have loved you with an everlasting love;Therefore with loving-kindness I have drawn you.", He meant every bit of what He said.
If it has happened to you before, and you have been healed, it will not be wise to position yourself in that vulnerable situation. Satan has mapped out strategy of mass-molestation and you must not position yourself to be caught as a prey in that trap.

I can understand that waiting on God can be excruciatingly frustrating. Hopefully, your parents, family, and friends aren’t bugging you about how long they are having to wait for you to get married. Hopefully, too, your unsaved friends aren’t badgering you about waiting for marriage at all, as if living in sin is better than being married anyway. You would not have needed to wait nearly this long to to get it right maritally if you could marry just anything to change status.

When we trust that the good things God teaches us in His Word are better than throwing in the towel out of impatience; however, we realize that giving up on Him can only harm us.
Waiting can only be true agony when you don't trust the Person for Whom you're waiting.

Our God is trustworthy, dependable and reliable. He has shown His faithfulness to those who truly waited for Him. He is coming back again soon for those who have endured and suffered long to see His will done in them. You are not a hopeless case, why make yourself look like one. You have a father who never lost a battle, He is fighting on your behalf daily.

If you have to be with family or friends this Christmas, God's joy will fill you to overflowing. You may be a source of blessing to the people around you when you radiate the source of your strength which is God's joy.
May the Lord grant us the grace to wait as long as He would have us wait, and to wait with patience, hope, and even joy.

Spend Christmas around people who will celebrate your presence and not with a user whose sole aim is to dump you even before the new year.
Did I sound a little bit harsh?  I love you so much my Sister but Jesus loves you best, He died for you.

HAS GOD FORGOTTEN ME?

 “………….Fighting temptation to give up virginity... Will be turning 43 in January and this fleshly desire is pressing.  It hasn't been easy having more and more ungodly men to ward off especially when I feel alone... Every where I turn my friends talk about either their work or their husbands or their children or their family... all of which I don't have…………..”

I culled the above paragraph from a mail sent to me today. I could feel a tear dropping down my cheek when the email implied a sense of being forgotten by God. Especially considering this season of the year when the last month is fast approaching and time seems to have gone by with little hope of anything good happening.

The possibility of feeling rejected and abandoned is very high. All the things ever hoped for in 2012 do not seem to have happened and may not happen. More painful it is when ungodly people seem to have what they want and are not burdened with all the yokes we carry.

Every victorious woman of faith goes through times of dryness. These include dryness in every sphere of life. Drought of trustworthy friend and special person to love is the most excruciatingly painful to endure. The sense of being alone and unloved is killing. Most of the time, words alone cannot explain why this should be happening to us at all.

Listen my Sister, the whole of 1Samuel chapter 1 (Please read) focused on the life of a woman called Hannah. She married Elikanah but was unable to have children. So her husband decided to take on another woman as second wife who had sons and daughters. Imagine the pain of being abandoned for a woman who began making babies like a factory and she couldn’t. She must have felt emotionally abandoned by the husband, emotional taunted by the contentious second wife and sadness of heart at the birth of each of the other wife’s children. Verse 6-7 said 

“But her rival wife taunted her cruelly, rubbing it in and never letting her forget that God had not given her children. This went on year after year. Every time she went to the sanctuary of God she could expect to be taunted. Hannah was reduced to tears and had no appetite.”

Most painful was the fact that the Bible said it was God who closed her womb in Verse 5. You may ask why? What has she done? Why did God close her womb? What was the reason? My answer is God has a bigger plan. God had set her up for a show of His glory without her knowing.

Did Hannah fold her arms and rebelled against God? No. Did she try shorter routes? NO. What did she do?

Hannah, driven by desperation, pursued God to a place of reckless prayer and weeping before God. Without dignity or laid down formality she begged God for a son. She knew she had a destiny that must be fulfilled. She realised the fulfilment can only be found in God. She chased after God with all fervent prayer of hope and not of self-pity. She fought to overcome the consuming ache of inadequacy within herself. She was willing to go to war in order to fulfil destiny and not live a waste. All the weapon of prayer she used is still available to us all today.

Did God answer? Yes, He did. God responded to her. God saw her tears, He heard her prayers, and He rewarded her faith because He saw the passion of her broken heart. Hannah’s son, Samuel was the only one we know of in scripture. The other woman and her children were no longer heard of.

My sister, only you can develop within you a very passionate zeal to see your God given destiny come to fulfilment. If you become so lethargic and complacent, if you put on the coat of ‘it doesn’t matter’, if you become less bothered and just carry on living, you will read of others breakthrough and no one is ever able to read yours. 

Allow all the present dryness to drive you towards God the almighty and not away from Him. Away from Him doesn’t cost God anything but may cost you all the fullness of what He has in stock for you.

Like the paragraph of the email I quoted earlier, if that is where you are and you desperately want God to come through for you, inject very serious passion into your prayer when you get to the place of pouring your soul and your tears to Him.

Like Hannah, may you leave your place of prayer in peace. May you find favour before Him and may your petition be granted you. May your countenance be changed from sadness to full joy. May you be fed with the food of rejoicing.

May your glorious end be greater than your former in Jesus name. Amen.

I love you Sister. 

JESUS CARES.