SPEAK OUT AND BE FREE

I was replying to backlog of emails  recently when I noticed a mail  sent since January 2, by a lady who had just read my book 'SINGLE WITHOUT SINKING'.
Here's a quote from her mail:
"...... As much as this is plunging me into deeper distress, overwhelmed with grief and sadness, feeling desolate and deserted, I am not speaking to nobody about this and will carry it to my grave......"

She refused to open up about these issues for the following reasons:
1. Past betrayals,
2. Lack of trust ,
3. Fear of being exposed.
We've been speaking since the 3rd of January, but not until the late hours of Friday the 6th of February, before she could loosen up a little bit. She's been diagnosed with early signs of depression and currently under observation for some other health related issues.

The point is this, she had believed the lie about herself, she had believed the lie about her God and she had generalised this lie about everybody else.  If you have seen what chronic stages of depression had done to people, you will not wish to see anyone go down those roads without a fight to help them out.
How we handle/manage or deal with our various disappointing experiences will often determine how those events control, manipulate or distort our attitude/responses to God's word and the truth of His redeeming love.
When we choose to become reclusive, we give room for satan's lies to thrive, and we engage ourselves  in solo romance of delusion.
Often times, prolonged grief over a broken relationship or hurt make many suffer emotionally. It will eventually take its toll on our physical, spiritual and psychological well being.
Allowing God's word to breathe into our minds helps us to take a few steps in our response to the way out of this experience.

SPEAKING OUT: We can ask God to lead us to His choice people, who have the grace to listen and draw alongside us in prayerful support and godly guidance.
REACHING OUT: Make ourselves available to places and events where sound word and doctrine is preached, where God's love is truly shared and where we can be genuinely cared for. (We must remember that the woman with the issue of blood stepped out and went to where Jesus was, she reached to HIM and touched HIM.)
CONFESSING THE TRUTH:
(a.) Locate and identify the negative thoughts or disbelief in your self-talk. e.g “I am no good because things are not like what I expect or want.”
(b.)Argue against the negative thoughts. “I am not a failure just because I do not meet unrealistic expectations of myself or others.”
 (c.)Learn how to avoid rumination (the constant churning of thoughts in one’s mind) by immediately changing your thoughts.
(d.)Replace the negative thoughts the very second they occur with the truth and with empowering positive thoughts and beliefs. e.g “In spite of the sorrow,  disappointments and feelings I experience, the Lord will help me carry on.”

Philippians 3:13 & 14 says, “…but this one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind, and reaching forth unto those things which are before, I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.”
We are on a track, running life’s race. The most incredible thing is that each Christian is the only person on his/her track. One does not have to be all that fast, but steady.
Look ahead, stretch forward towards a new day and thank God for all you have in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Your tomorrow will be better and even more glorious than your yesterdays.
Cheer up . Christ has conquered for YOU! Say NO to depression.

LOADED WITH BENEFITS

LOADED WITH BENEFITS

It is January 2015, the start of a new year, that time of the year when the mouth speaks of hope, but the heart seems exasperated. For most older singles, every molecule of faith left within them had been used up in the past years believing that something would/should happen but never did. For some who are younger, the pressure of friends marrying all around them is fast becoming too hard to bear, all wants to have a date announced as soon as possible.
The truth is, there are lots of men out there to date, the whole essence of waiting on God and getting it right is to ensure the choice that is made is worth the entire life time to be spent together. Otherwise, anybody can walk up the aisle with just anybody else and they can be married. But for those whose lives have been committed unto Christ the Lord, it is different. It has to be a choice wholly and acceptable unto the Lord, not just anybody.
It is natural to be weary after what has become a very long wait. It initially seemed like it won't be long but alas what we thought would be months has turned to years and  hope of a breakthrough for some  may have even begun to fade.
Let me tell you three reasons why you can continue to trust in the Lord and keep on waiting patiently on Him for the fulfilment of His promise that you will not lack your mate:

1. God cannot lie - Heb. 6:18
2. God keeps His promises - Heb. 8:6
3. God never disappoints - Rom.5:5-6

God did not lie when He promised to strengthen us as we wait on Him. He will keep His promise to grant us our heart desires according to the perfect working of His will. He said those who trust in Him will not be put to shame.

We knew (as previously shared) of a beautiful lady in 2014 who got married for the first time ever at the age of 48. God keeps His word that He'll never leave us nor forsake us.

Beloved, I encourage you by those three reasons above to approach 2015 with boldness and renewed hope in the Lord Almighty, the creator of heaven and earth, the maker of your soul that He will do good to you and make you a reference point for His wonder working power.

Step out in style and confuse those who think you have nothing to show for your life that you have a mighty God backing you up. Your birthing time is near, do not give up. Keep pushing on in faith and wait for the 'suddenly' effect when he who shall come for you shall tick all the right boxes.

To enslave yourself under just any man with the hope that he'll redeem you from this status into marriage is like casting your pearls before the pigs. Pigs never , ever know the value of pearls.

You are God's precious treasure, HE has a plan and this plan has a set time.  Wait, wait still and follow HIM as He unfolds His beautiful plans for you in the days ahead.

"....Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit...."
(Rom. 15:13)

CAN I STILL TRUST GOD ?

Truth is, sometimes our human mind produces the thought of God not fulfilling what He promised. Our time tells us He is unmindful and our heart tells us to shift our trust to self-help.
So, why didn't God stick out for me when in my 20s and 30s and 40s.? We may even ask why He's helped some people who may not have asked for His help and He's left us crying out to Him for years.
I knew there were times I had charged God with being partial and being unfair.
Looking back, I can say that I really never understood and still don't understand. However, in my life, right now, seeing what He's doing, I have come to trust Him so much even when I don't have a clue what He is putting together for me. He is God and will always be my Father.
Much of our life today is shaped by decisions we made and opinions we formed when we were young? These immature pacts we made with ourselves often have great sway over the course of our lives. Nevertheless, not only does the Cross provides the remedy for the shame of our sinful pasts, It also speaks, just as His blood atones for our present 'unjust' suffering. (Without doubt, there is physical, psychological and mental suffering in waiting).
So where is God in all of these? Good question! God is at the centre, Where HE promised to make all things work together for our good.
A couple had their first child in their late 50s. The wife married him when she was 44 and had to wait 12years to have a child. Wasn't it enough that she married late? Enduring another wait to have a child  must have been a horrendous one. She did not sin or done wrong, neither the god-fearing husband. This was God's plan to use these couple to showcase His power, His wonder working power to all men. My jaws dropped as I listened to their testimony.
God must have been so proud of this couple who trusted and waited on Him till the very end. He needed those He could trust with His grace to wait in Him for the appointed time. He found this couple faithful.
Perhaps, God's looking for more people to use as vessels through whom His power and greatness will be demonstrated to the whole world. If you can't understand Him, you can still trust in Him; Self-help diverts the course of His divine plan.
When we make our life take on an eternal perspective; and we become able to truly forgive all our oppressors. These realities may be as shadows to us right now, but God is at work bringing them into full view in our life sooner than we can imagine.
God's calling out: "My daughters! trust Me, I know your fears, I am working in your favour, My plans are good, I love you......I will give you a future and a hope."

"I waited patiently for the Lord to help me,
and he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the pit of despair,
out of the mud and the mire.
He set my feet on solid ground
and steadied me as I walked along. He has given me a new song to sing,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see what he has done and be amazed.
They will put their trust in the Lord. who have no confidence in the proud
or in those who worship idols. O Lord my God, you have performed many wonders for us.
Your plans for us are too numerous to list.
You have no equal.
If I tried to recite all your wonderful deeds,
I would never come to the end of them.
Oh, the joys of those who trust the Lord,...." (Psalm 40:1-5)

Although our circumstances had produced great personal pain, they also had been hand-selected by a loving and all-knowing God to produce good things in our life that only they could produce.

In a Culture of Self where the problems of the past continually invade the present, the Cross of Christ in the gospel of Christ is at work invading our past, overturning lies, redefining events, and extending the light of the glory of God into the darkest memories of our lives.
So, yes! We can still trust God for a testimony filled 2014. Our expectations shall not be cut off in Jesus name.
Much love to you all.

NON-CHRISTIAN BUT VERY GOOD

Fondly called MM on campus, he was every ladies dream man. Very handsome, neat and cool guy. We were reading buddies. He happened to be a genius in his field of study and commanded the respect of all, even his lecturers. I knew him to have come from a Muslim background but he was not practising. He was at the time embracing to all. He opened himself to everyone and confessed faith in God. 
After almost two years of whispering his intentions, we sat down to formerly discuss my reservations. Only one, just one reason we could not be talking about marrying each other was the fact that I am Christian and he isn't. We gradually drew apart from this moment. Few years later, he got a top job offer and became a household name with some good money. Still single, he came back to me to rekindle his interest.

This was the time I struggled. I began to rationalise and make excuses for why I should consider him. I suppressed every thought of my knowledge of his background. I compared him with and considered him better than some Christian guys I had met. I made enough justification for him in my heart and would willingly defend my judgement of him. Apart from the fact that I really liked him, he also had everything going for him to make life 'better' for me if I were his wife.
In 2 Corinthians, Paul warns believers by writing, “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common?” (6:14). Paul doesn’t say love can’t exist between a believer and a nonbeliever, but what Paul observes is that a believer and a nonbeliever cannot ever really understand each other. How can we expect a person who walks with Christ to be understood by someone who doesn’t even know him?

But slowly, MM's intimate and intense influence on me almost began to reshape my long-held convictions. He did believe in a god but had no commitment to him. So when he almost rough-handled me into having sex with him, I was disappointed but not shocked. Paul wrote in 2 Corinthians 7:1 that we need to “purify ourselves from everything that contaminates body and spirit.” Letting someone who doesn’t hold our convictions and beliefs into the secret places of our heart surely can wear us down and contaminate the good there. I would have missed out on God's plan for me.

There is this theory that women are willing to make sacrifices for their partners, once they have become emotionally attached, they’re willing to make compromises to try to hang on to the relationship. Men won’t do that. ... These girls are probably thinking, ‘He’s not perfect. But I love him and I can help him change.’
It hurts our own faith. We can convince ourselves that everything will be OK once the other person changes. But typically, it’s we who change.

What makes us think we can change a man? First off, we can’t save anyone – no matter how hard we work at it. It’s God’s call whose heart to work in, not ours. Second, the basic premise of 'hope-to-convert' dating is purposeful deception. Do we really want to trick or lure somebody to Christ using our love as bait? I hope not.
Temptation to date a non-Christian can take many forms. We may excuse ourselves with the fact there aren't single Christian men showing interest in us. May I ask here: Can God really lack sons? NO.

If non-Christians are showing interest when Christians either aren’t or aren’t around, it can be hard to resist. I mean, if you’re getting no results in your search, it seems sensible to drop the one stipulation that’s narrowing your potential pool, right?
This is where our loyalty to the Lordship of Jesus over our life is put to test. This is one of the reasons why we walk a narrow way that Jesus said leads to life.
Can two walk together except they be agreed? So how do you pray together and to whom do you pray. Which destination for eternity are you heading towards? Together or different ways? What effect does this have on your eternity and that of your children?
IF YOU ARE DOUBTING IT; DON'T DO IT.

Sister, if this sounds a bit familiar to your situation right now, it is high time you prayed. God can do mighty things through prayer. And he can also do mighty things through the people He puts around us. I try to take advantage of those trusted friends and family members by being open with my life so they can lend me truth and accountability. I try to be honest with them. And to ask them to look out for me and keep me in prayer. In fact, I have even given some loved ones specific permission to challenge me and question me about dating decisions.

Most of all, we need to trust God to build our romantic relationships. And we need him not only as the architect but as a day-to-day presence in both members’ lives. Great advice comes from Psalm 127:1: “Unless the Lord builds the house, its builders labour in vain.”

Sadly, the guy I mentioned earlier, MM, married a Christian lady. I understand she is battling with her children being called by there Muslim names as insisted by MM's parents and she has been stopped from taking the children with her to Sunday School. My very liberal and moderate friend called MM has suddenly began to wear his full religion cap as this is what got him the top post he has with the government.

Before you say 'I DO', think again. God's word did say, do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers.

DO NOT CONTINUE WHAT GOD HAS DISCONTINUED

Waiting to be married in itself is very very hard. It is both mentally and emotionally draining, but for the grace of God. 
However, the waiting that must never be condoned is hanging on a man or a dying relationship with the hope that with a little more patience, the man will change. 
The fact of the matter is we cannot make decisions on what we do not know. I say this because the fact that a person "could" change is not enough to support an ailing relationship. You don't know whether they will.
The hope that a person may grow spiritually is no reason to nurture a dying relationship. What you do not know may offer hope, but we ACT, in the moment, on what we do know.
If the decision is whether to continue with someone who continually draws you into sin—there is no decision. It may be a temporary stay or a permanent cessation, but the relationship needs SERIOUS HELP! This is the stuff of police reports—the person who is abusive but claims they "love" you. If they are drawing you into sin—THEY DO NOT LOVE YOU!
Not the way Love should LOVE, sacrificially, unselfishly.
If someone is not drawing you deeper into fellowship with the Lord, that person is a hindrance to running "the race marked out for [you]" (Heb. 12:1). If this seems harsh or exclusive—so be it. It may very well be that to live a life pleasing to the Lord you may need to be somewhat ruthless. If this is why you are still single, no apology is needed.
Some of us may have come from a broken home or an abusive childhood; you may have had or may never have had a serious relationship; you may have many unfulfilled goals and dreams. Some of us may even have it all well worked out yet feeling that we aren't worth it because we are not yet married.
Whatever “it” is in your life that you think you are missing, whatever “it” is that you think is holding you back, whatever “it” is that is your security blanket that you think may have left you incomplete, never hope that one man, just a man will fulfil all this longings. None but the Most High God.
A man without the fear of God, will add to the burdens you already have and the little hope that you are clinging unto may be taken off you. The reason many of us are left broken and shattered today is the error of placing our hope in man, a human like us, who may not even know how to sort himself out. Our youthful and single days are often burnt out chasing the creation and not the creator.
Here is the word of God:

Trust God from the bottom of your heart;
don’t try to figure out everything on your own.
Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go;
he’s the one who will keep you on track.
Don’t assume that you know it all.
Run to God! Run from evil!
Your body will glow with health,
your very bones will vibrate with life!
Honor God with everything you own;
give him the first and the best.
Your barns will burst,
your wine vats will brim over.
But don’t, dear friend, resent God’s discipline;
don’t sulk under his loving correction.
It’s the child he loves that God corrects;
a father’s delight is behind all this. Proverbs 3:5-12 (The Message)

THE TRULY SORTED ARE THOSE SETTLED BY JESUS CHRIST. WAIT ON HIM TO SORT YOU OUT. THOUGH HE DELAYS, HE WILL SURELY COME TO PERFECT ALL THAT CONCERNS YOU! YOUR LIFE IS NOT A GUESS WORK. GOD HAS A PLAN! COOPERATE WITH HIM.

If it is a godly man you are looking for (and I pray it is), expect the person you are dating to live up to this great charge. Call them to live up to this great charge. The truth is you may look back and thank God he hindered you. But first, if he is hindering you, you must be hindered. Accept not to forge ahead in your own strength. 
Wait on the Lord!

VERY TEMPTING

Not long ago when our daughter was born, a very kind neighbour visited us and gave us a bouquet of flower and a bottle of Baileys Irish Cream. The beautifully arranged flowers found a good space in the living room but the drink I hid in a cupboard in the kitchen. 
We do not drink anything alcohol but I had tasted alcohol in the past when I had not become born-again. I knew what it did to me in my college days. Nobody in my family ever knew I drank.
Despite not having tasted alcohol for over 22yrs, I found myself not completely out its grip. The Baileys was in my cupboard for almost a year. 
Now listen to this! I was going to this cupboard at minimum of thrice a week just to look at the bottle and often with the desire to at least have a little shot. Unbelievable! But yes, I did.
Eventually, I told my husband what I have been battling with. He had a good laugh and said he knew but was just waiting to see if one day I'll open the drink. 
Then he said something very profound. He made me understand that just like any other sin or habit, the craving and desire never leaves but the power of Christ gives us the grace to master and control the craving. While speaking to me, he grabbed the drink and took it out into the chute.
This drink may represent different things to each one of us. We may be constantly finding ourselves down the same sinful route and still being mastered by our cravings and desires, making us fall for the same old temptation that lures us into sin all of the time. 
There is good news!
Jesus died for all Sin. We have victory over all sin. As we battle on, we draw constantly from the victory that Christ has given us. But here are a few things to note:

1. There will always be temptations and great tempting moments
2. The less we feed on the thoughts of the sin, the earlier it dies. The more we feed on the cravings, the greater the chances of falling for it.
3. Always have a spirit filled accountability partner, people who love you enough to be blunt with the truth and willing to give both physical and spiritual help when needed.
4. Be honest with your struggles and not hide them under your spiritual cap.
5. Do all the necessary physical precautions just as much as you engage it spiritually.
6. Have full confidence and faith in the power of Christ and His shed blood knowing that God is already aware of your battles even before you come to Him with it.
7. Be determined within you that you will no longer be ruled or subjected to your old passions and its orgies.
8. Every form of our hedonistic tendencies are targeted towards rebellion against God. Do all within you to resist. The time is short and the Lord is at hand.
9. Listen to the still small voice within you sounding you with note of caution. That is the Holy Spirit.
10. Jesus saves from all sin, slavery and bondage. He is our strong tower and our refuge.

(James 1:12-13)

FLEE !

Have you noticed a married man trying to get close and desperately wanting to be friends with you? That may not be an issue, is it? No. It becomes an issue when he's bringing you into his emotional and matrimonial issues. This is the subtlest approach to luring you in, into his heart. 
Is he presenting a pathetic picture of his wife's inadequacies?, 
Does he think you are all he had wished for in a wife?
Does he flatter you with sweet words and considers you a good thinker?
Is he trying to make you a confidant?
Does he spare nothing when it comes to spending on you?
Does he crave for 'special' moments with you?
My darling sister, that man has family, he has brothers and sisters, he has pastors and friends, people who are able to counsel him and support him. NOT YOU!
That you are single does not make you an available option for those who are sick and tired of their wives.
Men of easy virtue will take advantage of single women who are desperate for affection. 
Satan knows how to position such destructive and distractive men around God's daughters at the verge of their breakthrough. 
You cannot afford to miss out on the beautiful plan of God that could have rewarded your years of waiting. 
No matter how justifying a relationship is to a married man, it is still adultery. 
His unfaithfulness to his wife will catch up with you and he'll run off with another woman once he's done, it's only a matter of time.
God hates divorce, so do not aid or encourage it. None of us should ever be the reason why homes should breakdown. 
A man must never use you as a reason for divorcing his wife.
Friendship, association or relationship with a married man must be discontinued at the first sign of emotional attachment.
Jesus is not unable to sympathise with our weakness, He actually promised to help us and give us grace to deal with it. (Hebrew 4:12-14)
Remember, we can hide from one another but not from the God who sees and knows all things.
If you are in one of such relationships, God will show you the escape route. He is ready to help. He will help. You are HIS daughter. 
YOU ARE LOVED BY HIM.