By nature, (with the exception of a few) we women tend to talk a lot. Ever wondered why the serpent in the garden of Eden chose to engage Eve and not Adam in the very talks that led to the fall of mankind? I had tried to imagine how many conversations I had engaged in that were of no usefulness to either myself or the other parties.
I am sometimes guilty of trying to be the one with the quick wit, the funny comment or the one with the answer, but often I have fallen flat by an inappropriate comment or untimely remark. In a close relationship, such comments can be magnified and can cause even greater harm and forever alter the bond that you have. For example, I was in a relationship some years ago, we had visited some friends and a conversation ensued about the bad habits of men generally. I spoke the loudest when I was insisting on a pointless fact that all men are bad. My boyfriend then turned to me and whispered "does that include me?" and even louder to the hearing of all I shouted 'yes' . That was the end of our relationship. Even though the relationship was being patched regularly, I provided a good riddance.
The Bible says in Proverbs 15:28 “The godly think before speaking; the wicked spout evil words.” Another incidence a lady shared with me was that she was chatting with some friends in the presence of her fiancée when she carelessly said she cannot tolerate any mother-in-law that would want to spend time to baby sit when she starts having children. The statement got the guy to start having a rethink if perhaps she meant every bit of what she just said or she intended him to note this in good time. He could not resolve not having his mum visiting and his wife resenting her. He chose to end the relationship.
By being slow to speak we are able to show others respect in our communication, whether they are a loved one, a friend or just an acquittance. We also earn respect for ourselves. This does not mean that we go into the silent mode when we have issues vibrating within us. It just means that we choose carefully what we say, when we say it and be conscious of him to whom we speak. How many times have you spoken “off the cuff,” wishing you could take it back?
Often times it is better to be slow to speak and just be a good listener. This gives room for the other person to feel being heard and affirms that they are understood. It helps them also to freely express themselves without the fear of being interrupted so they don't risk missing a point or going off the thread of the communication. Just now I remembered an instance when a good male friend of mine was asked by another mutual friend of ours why he didn't propose to me. He said I never gave him the opportunity to do so. He said whenever we are together, I just talked and talked and talked on until we are ready to go. He even said on few occasion when he would have summoned up the courage to speak, just as he is opening his mouth, off I start something else and that not once did I give him the opportunity to propose. When I heard it, I thought if he was really intending, he should have done it anyway. But in retrospect, I quite agree that probably then I thought I was making an impression on him that I am a very interesting person and that I thought that should be a plus for me but whoops! It was a turn off for him.
Even in our relationship with God, Often times we do not hear God because we could not listen for Him to speak to us. Many at times He spoke but we did not hear because we never stopped to listen to Him. God charged Job with not listening: God told Job, “Pay attention, Job, and listen to me; be silent, and I will speak. If you have anything to say, answer me; speak up, for I want you to be cleared. But if not, then listen to me; be silent, and I will teach you wisdom” (Job 33:31-33).
There is wisdom in listening.
People with good understanding are those who listen more. They are wise enough to pick stuffs from the loads of information that has been given. They ask sensible questions from what they have heard. They also make good judgement of both the person speaking and the issue being spoken of.
Good communication determines the height a relationship can attain. It can build the relationship or it can bring it down. The Bible says in James 1:19
“My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.”
When you talk less, you are able to listen to others,and don’t often say things that you shouldn't or will someday regret.
Let your words be few and your patience great.
Sisters, I encourage you to be a better listener, so that you can be better understood, that you may be respected. Surely you will not regret saying whatever when you carefully choose/pick your words.
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