"You are my best friend, my special gift from God. I met you when I was not sure of what I wanted in a woman. You brought everything I would have asked God for. When I met you, I felt complete from within even before we said a word to each other. You are all I have ever needed. You are the other me. Many women had professed love for me, they were genuine, but loving them was a struggle. I wanted to love wholeheartedly. When I met you, my whole heart leapt for love and joy. Without any doubt, you are God’s best for me”
My friend’s husband gave this very short but deep and moving speech at a dinner organized in her honour when she turned 40. They got married recently and blessed with a beautiful daughter. I captured his speech on my video phone. We struggled to hide our teary eyes as we put our hands together in a rapturous applause. This is what every one of my ladies deserve and must wait to have a man say in their honour, I mused.
My friend, hearing this from her husband was full of joy. We gave that occasional wink when the husband was speaking and I’ll tell you why. Years ago, my friend was in a relationship that lasted seven years. They were a perfect couple in the making so we thought. Parents have met. Extended families were in the know. This began since their university days. By the sixth year we were all waiting to hear the announcement of their wedding date when I bumped into her. Sobbing profusely, she said, ‘Shade, he has changed. He doesn’t love me anymore but I am willing to do everything to make sure the marriage plans proceeds.’ I agreed to support her. On a particular occasion, we visited the guy after we had prayed and fasted, to speak and plead with him to change his mind and marry my friend. Would you believe we were doing that? Yes, we did. I was there. This man showed no emotions at all. My friend cried, begged him to forgive her of anything she might have done, reminding him of the good times they’ve shared. Instead, he turned to me and said ‘Take your friend out of here, I need to be somewhere and I’m running late’. I do not feel anything for her again and nobody can force me to marry her’. This moment, I cried. We left his place, rejected and abandoned. The message was clear. She waited another five years before she met this wonderful man who is her husband.
When does loving a man become a struggle? Why should it be the woman who has to put every effort into making a marriage happen? Since when has it become a solo effort? Why should a man marry you and think he has done you a huge favour? What makes you think it must be him and no one else? If you think he must be your husband, does he think you must be his wife? This is where the struggle begins my sisters.
Marriage is meant to be enjoyed and not endured. Why would a woman put herself up for a life time of emotional cruelty and frustrations and in some cases die before her time because it must be this man and no one else.
I put my hands up. I once wanted a man desperately. When I saw his love for me waning, I tried all I could to get him to love me. I was pleading for his love and he was enjoying it. I knew it was not going to happen but still kept at it. God used people to speak senses back into me. I hated them and charged them with lack of understanding. I was lost in my own world. I looked back today thinking what on earth was I doing with that man.
Biblical stories are there for our edification. To Jacob, doing an extra seven years for the woman he really loved and wanted for a wife was no huge task at all. He was willing. He was prepared. He volunteered himself. He did the job and got his woman. He referred to Rachael as the woman he loved. He considered himself childless even after ten children from the women he loved less. Until Rachael bore him children, Jacob did not say ‘My son’.
Rebekah was brought to Isaac, but the Bible says when Isaac saw her, he loved her. (Gen.24:67). When God’s word charged the men to find a good wife for themselves, he meant it. Finding a good wife is finding a good thing and it attracts God’s favour. Are you finding the man or you are waiting for God to lead him to you; the former causes you to struggle to keep what you find but with the latter, he is the one who struggles with great love to have you for himself forever. He can and will always be willing to keep you but you cannot keep him.
Is anyone fighting for love? Are you struggling to keep him or scheming to have him marry you at all cost? Let go! My sister, I plead, let him go. God’s arms are not too short to save you neither is His ear deaf to your prayers. No. God is waiting to see you back off and let Him in. The more you hang on to him, the harder it becomes. When you pour your love on the Lord your God, He pours His love in the heart of the man who is able to love you with His love. You are too precious to be condoned. You deserve to be the best gift from God to him. You are an embodiment of all that somebody somewhere is asking God to give him.
If you want to push ahead and hold on tight to your pursuit of him, be prepared for a long haul which eventually will last a life time, and that is if it doesn’t cost you your life. Receive God's grace to do what is right today. I love you my dear sister.
Dear Lord, I pray for all my lovely ladies, your very precious daughters, that you oh! Lord will perfect all that concerns them. Bring them to their various places of rest and let not their hope in you be disappointed. Give grace dear Lord to those who need to take decisive action and supply strength to begin again with you. I pray this in Jesus name.
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