MORNING AFTER MY PITY PARTY

Today is a good day! 

It's a good day because I chose to trust God.  Bless the Lord!  He is so gracious and patient.

I can't  help but sometimes wonder how He keeps patience with me. I imagine God is constantly amused with my wonderings - and tantrums - most of which can be more like torture! 

Even I cringe whenever I look back on many of my self inflicted  moments of despair - heaven help me! 

This has been a vicious cycle because I always know I'm coming right back to full circle - back home. Back to my Father's arms. 

Oh I throw a great party! 

Pity party, Praise and Worship party and I've been told a great Dinner party planner! 

Of course when I'm in the depths of throwing one of my pity parties - its not always easy.

I feel sorry for myself, many a tear has been shed during such dark times.  It feels like I'm carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders. When this heaviness is upon me  - I convince myself that no one else is as bad as me.

And some of the actions taken at such times - I only have one word  for them - irrational!

Like the most recent one when I just could not stand being on  FaceBook anymore.

I felt like my life was lacking what everyone else has ; the gorgeous wedding, the wonderful supportive husband, the gorgeous babies...oh the list goes on! The devil is a liar because FB has been a place where I have also been greatly ministered to through TGOG4LIFE

But when I choose to have my Praise party on - I tell you, the devil and his demons know how not to come anywhere near me because I seriously kick some butt!

 I love that place of worship and praise and vow time and time again   never to be caught up in one of those awful pity parties.

I feel disgusted at my weakness, my faithlessness at such times. When I'm in that holy place of constant relationship with the Trinity, I ask myself why I had ever sacrificed this special place for one of dark despair!

But alas!  My focus is often drawn away from Jesus and I focus instead on whatever  'issue' is in my life at that moment! 

I'm here to attest that my God, our God is good! isn't He good?

He is a merciful, gracious and patient Father who knows His daughter is just throwing another tantrum. 

And as sure as the sun rises I will be right back where I belong.

But I'm here to also say to you my darling Sister - I have a choice. You have a choice. A choice to choose to trust in God's promises.

I've learnt the importance of making that conscious decision to choose to trust in God and His promises for me every single morning.

The bible says He will never leave me nor forsake me. Why should I choose to feel forsaken?  I'm the one who chooses to be parted from Him. And thank God for his steadfast love which is new with the rising of the sun each day!

My bible tells me that He only has the best plans for me - plans to prosper me and not to harm me! Now I choose to remember His promises for me.

However - this was not the case a couple of months ago. 

I turned 39 in April and instead of celebrating my 39th birthday I found myself wallowing in self pity and even slight panic.

I was going to be 40 next year!! The pressure from society, unspoken but tangible. A cousin of mine even expressed such disappointment when she learnt that a recent relationship had not worked out! Her words were "....oh dear, you know you're running out of time!''  So, unmarried, without even a prospect of a date - actually I have just been let 'go' rather abruptly by a great guy whom I thought God had finally connected me with.  

I  was already preoccupied with something that was exactly a year away!  Instead of celebrating a long and healthy life, I chose to sink into self pity.  I stopped counting my blessings. The worst thing we can do is disqualify all that the Lord has done on our lives. I'm blessed whichever way I turned. I have wonderful friends and family who support me all the way. I have a job, a roof over my head, I have been blessed to wake up each morning since my birthday in April. I am free from sickness and disease. Indeed I  live a wonderful life!  

But this looming issue was seriously playing havoc with my trust in whom I call God, Jehovah jirah!  Jehovah El sheddai!  Jehovah Nissi! It was not the lack of faith, that I've always had,   always believed God can meet my needs, what I was lacking was the complete  and utter surrender of trust in God; that He has my back no matter what! Surely this is where I should be as a child of God. Even though I can not see my future, he has me sorted. Afterall, dosen't the bible say "He who has began a good work, shall surely complete it?

I knew that I had to choose how I was going to live my life. Why was I allowing fear to control what it can't! Allowing myself to feel dejected when I know my Father in heaven  has only the best plans for me. Why was I worrying when I know that worry and anxiety will not yield a result the next morning?

I choose to live life for today, trusting in God completely!  I choose to be filled with the joy of the Lord! I choose to cling on to the hope that I have in Christ Jesus. 

Every moment for us as children of God should be a God moment.  

Jesus came so you and I can have a life filled with abundance! And I doubt abundance means that I have to wait until I'm  blessed with a husband before I have that abundant life? I want to be victorious now! 

To live my purpose driven life today and not wait until a 'void' has been filled.  

I have learnt over these very ' many' years that He is God .....I listen out to the still small voice that says.... Be still and know that I am God! Or the one that says the joy of the Lord is my strength! Or the one that's says we are overcomes in Christ Jesus

KILL THAT THOUGHT

This phone call lasted well over two hours.  The battery on my cordless home phone had to die for this discussion to end. My sister in Christ on the other end refused to be consoled. Words failed me. All I could do was ask God’s Holy Spirit to do His work; comfort.

When scripture says; ‘Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ’ (2Corinthians 10:5); God sure wanted us to kill the thought before it brings us down.  

My beloved sister is single, 44, and highly successful in her career. Since she turned 35, so much has been suggested as possible reasons for the delay in her getting married. These included her past life style, a curse or spell from a family member, her career, her height, weight, family background,  circle of friends, extended family, ancestral spirits, demonic attack, past relationships, evil obsession/possession,  her character and several other reasons  I cannot even recall. She believed all these to be true; she wants to give up on life. She became suicidal thinking she is good for nothing and that life doesn’t seem to be worth it afterall.

Anxiety, fear and worry all take positions of control when we stop trusting the power in the blood of Jesus. Even if any of the above reason were true, name one that the blood of the Lamb of God did not atone for? What can the name of Jesus and His blood fail to do? Nothing, absolutely nothing. God says in Luke 1:37, “For with God, nothing will be impossible.

Allowing our minds to accept that whatever may be the reason behind this delay cannot be rectified or put right by God exposes us to the danger of believing a lie. This lie presents itself so real that we often times choose to live with it and live the life of blame and guilt.When Christ says we are free, yes! Free we are indeed. Living in the freedom that Christ gives is righteousness, peace and joy. By faith we believe Him to be true for God cannot lie.

As daughters of the Most High God, we must never allow our minds to align with that liar, the devil. John 8:44 says “……He has never obeyed the truth. There is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his natural language. He does this because he is a liar. He is the father of lies.” Satan has fallen and still seeks people to drag down with him but that excludes us because we are in the light and the truth of Christ lives in us. We are already free from Satan’s grip.

What are you allowing people to speak into you?  What thoughts are you feeding your mind with? What have you believed about your situation, a lie of the devil or the truth of God’s word declared over you?  For how long more will you allow bigots to psycho-analyse you?  When will you come out of that pity party and shun all unsolicited sympathy? The time is now. Start bubbling in the truth that has made you free.

Whatever may be weighing you down at this moment, bring it to your loving saviour Jesus Christ. Leave it with Him. Keep on waiting till He comes through for you. I am so sure He will. Ecclesiastes 3:11a “He has made everything beautiful in its time.”

LIVING A LIE

Times I have had to defend a relationship or friendship to convince others it isn't more than what they see is a sign for me it is more than.

Single, Christian and in good corporate working environment, I needed to live up to expectation and protect my image as a professed born-again. I tried to impress everyone by appearing to be above every normal human struggle with a never-get-it-wrong personality. 

Being very outspoken, speaking scriptures always, playing Christian music, wearing Christian wrist band, with Jesus stickers on my bumper and beautiful scriptures on my personal computer wall screen; I was adjudged to be near perfect.

My former boss had just resigned and here comes a new boss, young, married, good looking Christian guy. Within weeks, you will almost assume we've known each other for ages. 

Apart from being work colleagues, we had so much in common as believers, hence our friendship beyond official duties. The bond of our friendship grew stronger, still Christians, but chose to ignore the signs because we were too spiritual to admit the obvious. This continued for over a year. We were living a lie; at least I knew I was. I go to work everyday with him in mind. It was a funny comment from a junior staff that did the wake up call for me. I spoke with a sister-in-Christ who advised me to sit and talk with him, admit to my feelings and pray together with him for immediate discontinuation of our friendship. It was tough. God gave me the grace and I did. That very week, there was management reshuffle and my boss was promoted and moved to another floor of the building. I began to report to a new boss. That very month I became engaged to the man I now call my husband.

"The temptations in your life are no different from what others experience. And God is faithful. He will not allow the temptation to be more than you can stand. When you are tempted, he will show you a way out so that you can endure." 1 Corinthians 10:13 (NLT)

David E. Longacre wrote that once in the proximity of sexual temptation, the will to resist is low. The Borg on the science fiction Star Trek TV series claimed that “resistance is futile.” When we are in certain situations, we might feel that resistance really is futile. But it is not.

For us Christians, resistance to temptation is NEVER futile. In today’s scripture, we are promised that others have had the same temptations … that God won’t allow more that we can stand … and that he always provides a way out.

Don’t believe the lie that you are the only one who has ever had this temptation. Don’t believe the lie that it’s more than you can bear. Don’t believe the lie that there is no way out. God’s promise tells us that resistance is NOT futile!

We can escape temptation, but we cannot fight the battle alone. We need to first put on Jesus— admit His truth about the situation, appeal to his mercy and grace for help —before we can resist even the urge to fulfil sinful desires.

I did not overcome become I was a Christian, I overcame because I aligned myself with His truth, He in turn allowed His truth to defend me. 

It all circles back to Jesus. He is calling us to obedience, and he promises to give us the strength to do what he is telling us to do. If we will trust him and put him first in our lives, he will always give us the desire and power to do what pleases him.

We know when we claim to be single but more active and emotionally adventurous than the married. We know when it is beyond the surface and we have swerved from the real us. We do know when the picture outside is completely opposite the reality inside. But we forget most times to admit the reality that God knows even our thoughts from afar.

 Psalm 139:1-3 (NKJV) says:

"O Lord, You have searched me and known me.You know my sitting down and my rising up;

You understand my thought afar off.You comprehend my path and my lying down, And are acquainted with all my ways."

STAYING STRONG WHEN WEAK

Sometimes it seems as if I do not believe anymore what I believe.
There are times in my life when what I profess to have faith in does
not seem real to me. I can feel it in my body, gradual loss of physical strength

as a result of overwhelming pressures from all the stuffs going on in my

mind. I feel like shouting at God and letting Him know how unhappy and

angry I am at the delays or lack of response from Him.


At times I do not even want to pray as I am subconsciously protesting at God for

allowing me to pass through that experience. I may escalate further

sometimes by charging God with partiality when I see people I have

prayed with getting instant ‘yes’ to their requests but for the same

thing I have to suffer to have it. Am I speaking for somebody?

Psalm 91:1-2.  ”He who dwells  in the secret place of the most High

shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the LORD,

He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust.”

The secret to staying strong when weak is dwelling in the secret place

of the Most High. There is covering there. The shadow of the almighty

provides that covering; Covers us from unbelief, fear doubt,

depression, anger towards God or man, and all such things that get us

down so easily.

Above all, we receive covering to overcome impatience.  That is the

pressing urge to help ourselves when God seems to be too slow.

Back at the secret place is the discovery of divine agenda and

protection of that agenda by the initiator and sole executor of our

destiny, God Himself.

Praying can be the most difficult to do when the going gets tough. Even

the trusted disciples of Jesus at the most difficult time of Jesus’

life fell into the hands of sleep and slumber while exhaustion

overwhelmed them.  But Jesus, knowing how to stay strong when weak,

persisted in praying so much the sweat from His body was almost like

blood.  He prayed and continued in prayer though tired and weak, until

God sent His angels to minister strength to Him.

Note that His persistency in prayer did not stop Him from going to the cross, but

gave Him grace to submit to God’s will and strength to face the cross.

Jesus understood this principle.  To keep on praying even when we do

not feel like it is the only answer to staying strong when weak.  Now!

let us go back to that secret place and get back on our knees.

TRUST ME AND MY WORDS

One of the hardest things to bear as a single woman is to see the man you have loved, hoped and believed will marry you, go off with another lady and they are planning to get married. It is like a mirage. It is painful and very difficult to accept.

You are curious to know why he prefered the other lady to you, but you cannot ask him. You take it all to God and demand an answer from Him. You have prayed that it should be this man, you have claimed God's promises concerning your life, you have been good friends, very kind and loving towards him. You were convinced the feelings were mutual, yet he has chosen somebody else instead of you.

God said to me, when in similar situation, "My daughter, you should have trusted Me, not him."

Waiting can be very draining, but for His grace, no waiting is pleasurable. We are tempted to take very seriously, every male friend that acquaints himself with us. We think ahead of them and assume we know where they are going. We appropriate these thoughts in our head and take them for God's will. With our mental cap on, we assume faith is at work, and so prepare ourselves for a future with the man. This is where our trust shifts.

Trusting God is looking unto Him, the Author and Finisher of our faith. What we do often is put ourselves as 'authors' and expect God to 'finish' it up. On some other instances, we allow God to 'author' our faith but we do not allow him to be the 'finisher'. Until the Lord becomes the author and finisher, we are bound to be bruised. Unfortunately, some of these wounds even though healed, may scar us for our entire life time.

One good example in the Bible was Abraham. God was the author of his faith when his wife was barren. But the good Lord took His precious time to finish it up. Father Abraham was tired of waiting, Sarah was tired of waiting. They both took over from God to 'finish' it up. Their action did not finish it up but started another struggle that we still live with today. God still came and finished what he promised in Isaac, but what happened in-between has its consequence on all mankind till date. It is indeed very essential to allow Jesus to finish whatever He has started.

The Bible says in Philippians 1:6 (MSG)

"There has never been the slightest doubt in my mind that the God who started this great work in you would keep at it and bring it to a flourishing finish on the very day Christ Jesus appears."

Are you feeling very low at the moment? God has not failed you. Your expectations based on what you see may have failed but not God. God's original plan for you is still very much in progress and is about to be completed. Will you trust Him still?

Age and body cycle is nothing in the hand of the creator. When He is ready to honour and glorify His name in your life, He will renew everything and quicken them too. I am so sure of this. He has not only done it in Abraham and Sarah, Zachariah and Elizabeth etc, He is still doing it in our days and you may have been divinely created for such astounding works of the Almighty father.

Job demonstrated the greatest faith that challenged me most when he said, inspite of everything that befell him "Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him." Job 13:15a(NKJV) His trust and faith in God were not shaken despite being stripped of all .

My beloved sister, where are you at this present moment? Let the fire of trust between you and God be rekindled irrespective of the situation you may be confronted with. He is not unaware. He alone knows what to do. He has a purpose in mind. He is working it out. This current hardship and delay is incomparable to the glory that is about to be revealed in you.

I charge you with James 1:2-6(MSG) "Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colours. So don't try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way.If you don't know what you're doing, pray to the Father. He loves to help. You'll get his help, and won't be condescended to when you ask for it. Ask boldly, believingly, without a second thought"

Finally, "Oh! May the God of green hope fill you up with joy, fill you up with peace, so that your believing lives, filled with the life-giving energy of the Holy Spirit, will brim over with hope!" Romans 15:13(MSG)

Did you ask what 'should I do'? Yeah! Take a wash, freshen up, take a walk and sing to Jesus some love songs. How about that ???

HAVE YOU KISSED THE SON ???

How many of us can still remember our first kiss? Uhm… (???) Obviously not all “Now, you may kiss the bride” is the first kiss. Often, many kisses would have happened before that public show at the altar, (may be with the exception of a few).

What does a kiss really mean to a relationship?

My definition of a kiss is touching someone elses mouth with your lips as a show of love or affection concealed for them in your heart. The act itself draws you closer to the other party and affirms your devotion to them. Often times it involves a warm embrace. It also depicts a bond or a deeper level of togetherness is a relationship. A kiss is also submitting to or accepting an offer for a relationship.

When reading Psalm 2 this weekend, I was stucked at verse 12 which says:

“Kiss the Son, lest He be angry, And you perish in the way, When His wrath is kindled but a little. Blessed are all those who put their trust in Him.”

The first question that popped was “How do I kiss the Son?” To kiss the Son, I need to know Him, what He has to offer and the consequences of turning down the offer. My heart must be willing to accept the offer before I can respond to the gesture of a kiss. So, let us take a glance at these together:

Who is the Son? – Jesus Christ is the only begotten Son of God. No one goes to God but by Him. He is the saviour and redeemer of man.

What is the Son offering me? - Salvation from the coming wrath of God upon the children of disobedience of whom we are one.

What if I turn down the offer? – I risk spending eternity in the lake of fire that burns with sulphur and brimstone

How can my heart be made willing? – By acknowledging my sins, repenting and accepting God’s offer for a righteuos living. By believing in my heart that Jesus Christ is the Son of God, came in the flesh to die for my sins on the cross and that God raised Him from the dead.

How can I kiss Him? – By using my mouth to confess Jesus Christ as my personal Lord and Saviour.

The Bible says in Roman 10:10 “For with the heart one believes unto righteousness, and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.”

Beloved, it is dangerous to assume that you have kissed the Son. The consequences are too grave to ignore. He is coming back soon to pour His wrath on this sinful world and those who are possesed with the spirit of indifference.

God’s anger once brought the flood that wiped the whole earth but left only eigth people. His Son is coming to judge this world soon and only those who have ‘kissed’ Him will escape the fury of His furnace.

Jesus is here today, knocking on the altar of your heart.  Will you open your heart, embrace and kiss Him today? Because we do not know the time or hour of His coming, we need to be prepared and most importantly be very sure that we are His.

So, this is just a quick reminder to those of us who are not yet sure of where we are with Him. Earthly kisses give temporal pleasure but when you kiss the Son, the pleasure is eternal.

SISTER! HAVE YOU KISSED THE SON???

'YOU MUST MARRY ME'

"You are my best friend, my special gift from God. I met you when I was not sure of what I wanted in a woman. You brought everything I would have asked God for. When I met you, I felt complete from within even before we said a word to each other. You are all I have ever needed. You are the other me. Many women had professed love for me, they were genuine, but loving them was a struggle.  I wanted to love wholeheartedly.  When I met you, my whole heart leapt for love and joy. Without any doubt, you are God’s best for me”

My friend’s husband gave this very short but deep and moving speech at a dinner organized in her honour when she turned 40. They got married recently and blessed with a beautiful daughter. I captured his speech on my video phone. We struggled to hide our teary eyes as we put our hands together in a rapturous applause. This is what every one of my ladies deserve and must wait to have a man say in their honour, I mused.

My friend, hearing this from her husband was full of joy. We gave that occasional wink when the husband was speaking and I’ll tell you why. Years ago, my friend was in a relationship that lasted seven years. They were a perfect couple in the making so we thought. Parents have met. Extended families were in the know. This began since their university days. By the sixth year we were all waiting to hear the announcement of their wedding date when I bumped into her. Sobbing profusely, she said, ‘Shade, he has changed. He doesn’t love me anymore but I am willing to do everything to make sure the marriage plans proceeds.’  I agreed to support her. On a particular occasion, we visited the guy after we had prayed and fasted, to speak and plead with him to change his mind and marry my friend. Would you believe we were doing that? Yes, we did. I was there. This man showed no emotions at all. My friend cried, begged him to forgive her of anything she might have done, reminding him of the good times they’ve shared. Instead, he turned to me and said ‘Take your friend out of here, I need to be somewhere and I’m running late’. I do not feel anything for her again and nobody can force me to marry her’. This moment, I cried. We left his place, rejected and abandoned. The message was clear. She waited another five years before  she met this wonderful man who is her husband.

When does loving a man become a struggle?  Why should it be the woman who has to put every effort into making a marriage happen? Since when has it become a solo effort? Why should a man marry you and think he has done you a huge favour?  What makes you think it must be him and no one else? If you think he must be your husband, does he think you must be his wife? This is where the struggle begins my sisters.

Marriage is meant to be enjoyed and not endured. Why would a woman put herself up for a life time of emotional cruelty and frustrations and in some cases die before her time because it must be this man and no one else.

I put my hands up. I once wanted a man desperately.  When I saw his love for me waning, I tried all I could to get him to love me. I was pleading for his love and he was enjoying it. I knew it was not going to happen but still kept at it. God used people to speak senses back into me. I hated them and charged them with lack of understanding. I was lost in my own world. I looked back today thinking what on earth was I doing with that man.

Biblical stories are there for our edification.  To Jacob, doing an extra seven years for the woman he really loved and wanted for a wife was no huge task at all. He was willing. He was prepared. He volunteered himself. He did the job and got his woman. He referred to Rachael as the woman he loved. He considered himself childless even after ten children from the women he loved less. Until Rachael bore him children, Jacob did not say ‘My son’.

Rebekah was brought to Isaac, but the Bible says when Isaac saw her, he loved her. (Gen.24:67). When God’s word charged the men to find a good wife for themselves, he meant it. Finding a good wife is finding a good thing and it attracts God’s favour.  Are you finding the man or you are waiting for God to lead him to you; the former causes you to struggle to keep what you find but with the latter, he is the one who struggles with great love to have you for himself forever. He can and will always be willing to keep you but you cannot keep him.

Is anyone fighting for love?  Are you struggling to keep him or scheming to have him marry you at all cost? Let go! My sister, I plead, let him go. God’s arms are not too short to save you neither is His ear deaf to your prayers. No. God is waiting to see you back off and let Him in. The more you hang on to him, the harder it becomes. When you pour your love on the Lord your God, He pours His love in the heart of the man who is able to love you with His love.  You are too precious to be condoned. You deserve to be the best gift from God to him. You are an embodiment of all that somebody somewhere is asking God to give him.

If you want to push ahead and hold on tight to your pursuit of him, be prepared for a long haul which eventually will last a life time, and that is if it doesn’t cost you your life. Receive God's grace to do what is right today. I love you my dear sister.

Dear Lord, I pray for all my lovely ladies, your very precious daughters, that you oh! Lord will perfect all that concerns them. Bring them to their various places of rest and let not their hope in you be disappointed.  Give grace dear Lord to those who need to take decisive action and supply strength to begin again with you. I pray this in Jesus name.

WHEN YOU ARE 'BIGGER' THAN HIM

I switched my phone on after the church service and there was a missed call from a strange number. Curiosity got the best of me as I decided to return the call. It was Claudia Jones (not real names). She has just been checked in for her EDD(Expected Delivery Date) this week. 'Are you married?' I asked her, to which she retorted '‘yes’'. I decided to probe further.

I asked her why she kept it all quiet and she answered “Actually sister Shade, I invited only fourteen people to my wedding, our parents and siblings. This was not an instruction from God or prophets/pastors, I just applied wisdom. I did pray about it and God gave me peace. He proposed to me and I knew immediately that he is my man. He doesn’t have half of the qualities I was looking for in a husband but he loves the Lord, so passionately I couldn’t fault him. He was not afraid to propose to me even when he knew with my job I could be earning three times his salary. He has very huge potentials ahead of him but has been less fortunate. If I had introduced him to my friends and the other people around me at the time, they would have discouraged me because it was obvious that I am ‘bigger’ than him in every respect. (Money, job, status, etc.)”

The above conversation reminded me of Adam.  God saw that he needed a helper as there was none to help him. (Genesis 2:20-25) Adam needed a helper, which meant he couldn’t do all things by himself. He could not handle all that was needful for complete dominion over the garden without a helper. A rib was taken from his side to form a helper suitable for him. He was left incomplete. When God made the woman, he brought her to him and she completed him.

This foundational truth has been distorted today. No woman wants to have a man she could complete. We are all looking for a man who is already complete and would not need us. There will be no perfect marriage until you become the only person that can complete him. The truth is how many of us ladies are willing and ready to complete that man? Will you recognise his ‘missing rib’ as the one you are carrying and be able to yield it to him?  Claudia yielded hers to complete her man. She is happily married and will soon put to bed. 

Last week I was told the story of a very wealthy man whom his Personal Assistant and only adviser is the wife. Many marvel and some wonder why he is so loyal to his wife so much that mostly her advice becomes order. This was because the business idea was the man’s but the wife encouraged him to start it when she gave him all of her life savings.

I am not implying that we should go all out and marry just anybody, NO. What I am saying is that when he comes as a ‘nobody’, may you be able to recognise him and see yourself as that one person that God has ordained to complement him and love him into becoming ‘somebody’.

Helloooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WHEN I NEED TO TALK LESS

By nature, (with the exception of a few) we women tend to talk a lot. Ever wondered why the serpent in the garden of Eden chose to engage Eve and not Adam in the very talks that led to the fall of mankind? I had tried to imagine how many conversations I had engaged in that were of no usefulness to either myself or the other parties.

I am sometimes guilty of trying to be the one with the quick wit, the funny comment or the one with the answer, but often I have fallen flat by an inappropriate comment or untimely remark.  In a close relationship, such comments can be magnified and can cause even greater harm and forever alter the bond that you have. For example, I was in a relationship some years ago, we had visited some friends and a conversation ensued about the bad habits of men generally. I spoke the loudest when I was insisting on a pointless fact that all men are bad. My boyfriend then turned to me and whispered "does that include me?" and even louder to the hearing of all I shouted 'yes' . That was the end of our relationship. Even though the relationship was being patched regularly, I provided a good riddance.

The Bible says in  Proverbs 15:28 “The godly think before speaking; the wicked spout evil words.”  Another incidence a lady shared with me was that she was chatting with some friends in the presence of her fiancée when she carelessly said she cannot tolerate any mother-in-law that would want to spend time to baby sit when she starts having children. The statement got the guy to start having a rethink if perhaps she meant every bit of what she just said or she intended him to note this in good time. He could not resolve not having his mum visiting and his wife resenting her. He chose to end the relationship.

By being slow to speak we are able to show others respect in our communication, whether they are a loved one, a friend or just an acquittance. We also earn respect for ourselves. This does not mean that we go into the silent mode when we have issues vibrating within us. It just means that we choose carefully what we say, when we say it  and be conscious of him to whom we speak. How many times have you spoken “off the cuff,” wishing you could take it back?

Often times it is better to be slow to speak and just be a good listener. This gives room for the other person to feel being heard and affirms that they are understood. It helps them also to freely express themselves without the fear of being interrupted so they don't risk missing a point or going off the thread of the communication. Just now I remembered an instance when a good male friend of mine was asked by another mutual friend of ours why he didn't propose to me. He said I never gave him the opportunity to do so. He said whenever we are together, I just talked and talked and talked on until we are ready to go. He even said on few occasion when he would have summoned up the courage to speak, just as he is opening his mouth, off I start something else and that not once did I give him the opportunity to propose. When I heard it, I thought if he was really intending, he should have done it anyway. But in retrospect, I quite agree that probably then I thought I was making an impression on him that I am a very interesting person and that I thought that should be a plus for me but whoops! It was a turn off for him.

Even in our relationship with God, Often times we do not hear God because we could not listen for Him to speak to us. Many at times He spoke but we did not hear because we never stopped to listen to Him. God charged Job with not listening: God told Job, “Pay attention, Job, and listen to me; be silent, and I will speak.  If you have anything to say, answer me; speak up, for I want you to be cleared.  But if not, then listen to me; be silent, and I will teach you wisdom” (Job 33:31-33).

There is wisdom in listening.

People with good understanding are those who listen more. They are wise enough to pick stuffs from the loads of information that has been given. They ask sensible questions from what they have heard. They also make good judgement of both the person speaking and the issue being spoken of.

Good communication determines the height a relationship can attain. It can build the relationship or it can bring it down. The Bible says  in James 1:19 

“My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.”  

When you talk less, you are able to listen to others,and don’t often say things that you shouldn't or will someday regret.

Let your words be few and your patience great.

Sisters, I encourage you to be a better listener, so that you can be better understood, that you may be respected. Surely you will not regret saying whatever when you carefully choose/pick your words.

OVERCOMING SELF-PITY

Jane withdrew herself from church, stopped all the weekly activities and refused communication with her friends. She adopted the withdrawal syndrome. Self-pity took over her so much, she believed every thought that spanned through her head. “No one values me, I have not achieved anything, no husband, no children, I am rejected and forsaken, God has refused to answer my prayers, there is nothing to show for my Christian life, godless people are even doing far better that I am, unbelievers are flourishing, here I am alone and sad.” These were her musings.  

I can relate with Jane’s experience. I have been there. Some were not just my thoughts but realities, they did happen to me. Unfortunately, I was unable to understand what Satan aimed at; making God look like a liar. God cannot lie. His Words will surely prevail.

Self-pity is the most worthless emotion. It discourages us from thinking realistically and clearly. It leaves us so short-sighted that we compare the life of carnal and worldly people with our own lives as though they are the gauge for our standard of success. We forget who we are and Who our father is.Self-pity pushes us into discontinuing valued relationship with God and stops us from strengthening relationship with fellow believers and friends.  It fills us with the spirit of suspicion. We begin to question even the simplest of kind gestures.

Self-pity leaves us physically exhausted and emotionally spent. We can spend hours thinking all manner of thoughts. Sometimes we just cry again and again. It drags us into emotional roller-coaster, happy today and sad tomorrow. We can even at this stage despair unto death. Self-pity is the fog that blinds your view of the SON.Self-pity is a pathetic emotion. It will lie to you. Exaggerate. Drive you to tears. It will cultivate a victim mentality in your head.

Self-pity does come with its siblings: self-assertion, self-love, self-indulgence, self-reliance, self-consciousness, self-righteousness, and self-glorification. Keeping busy with the wrong things robs us of the even better things God has for us. 

What is the cure?

Rather than feeling sorry for yourself today, try God’s option. Take a long loving look at the Cross and imagine the suffering and rejection of Christ your Lord. How He chose to die that you may live. Does the life you now live and the way you view His love for you justify His being hung on that Cross? That was what it took God. Making Him a liar is what you do when you wallow in self-pity.

Take a break and stop trying to work things out for yourself, or you maybe complicating matters. Leave them in His hands, and accept His truth about you. God wants to hear our honest concerns, anger, and confusion about our trials, but He also wants us to trust Him.

Focusing on the Lord and praising Him doesn’t mean that we insincerely pretend to enjoy tough times. Instead, we can honestly acknowledge that He is in control of the situation and will guide our every step just as He promised (Proverbs 3:5-6). 

Go through life fully according to the truth of His words and leave the issues in His hands.  All the worrying over the years has not changed anything. So, why carry on worrying?

To believe is simply to trust, to depend, to rely upon Christ Jesus. In Him, it is guaranteed, joy comes in the morning.

God bless you sisters.